My DH went over to help MIL put up pictures in her new house (5 hour round trip) and at the end raised the issue of Christmas in a vague sort of way "what are your plans" or similar. She said that she'd asked SIL and her family, and BIL who lives locally over - no mention of including us, nor query of what we were doing. She has plenty of space but is a terrible fusser and finds cooking stressful. I can see that having lots (11 all told) would stress her but would be happy to help and I know SIL's hubby is helping with food but feel so hurt that we weren't even consulted/considered. She is not easy to get on with, and has always been hard on DH, but we've managed. She won't help with our children, but will with her daughters (looked after them for 3 weeks whilst SIL recovered from op), but wouldn't come here for 2 nights so we could go away - lots of incidences like that which individually are all small, but build up to a huge feeling of resentment (as you can probably tell!). Anyway, she is coming to lunch on Sunday and I really feel that I should mention how we feel about this - what I'm after is suggestions on how to handle it. I don't want to cause a scene, or behave like a brat, but want to let her know how upset we are. I also want our dc's to have a good relationship with their granny, and to spend Christmas together with their cousins as well would be great......HELP!