I've name changed for this, even though it's going to be really obvious who I am for anyone who speaks to me regularly or can be bothered to do the necessary detective work. Mostly I just don't want people I know in real life to Google my usual username & find this.
I'm in a huge mess & rapidly sinking into depression. I'm accidentally pregnant, been living with my DP for just over a month now, only been with him for 8 months (although I've known him well for about a year longer than that) & just starting uni. I'm only 20.
There's too much to just splurge out into one original post, but I think I just need somebody to talk to without scaring all of my friends & family into thinking that I'm going to collapse into useless jelly any minute. I'm trying to prove that I can hold my shit together after I've made the decision (happily) to keep the baby, etc & move quite a way away from home.
This time last year I was having a fantastic time & I was really happy. I was working in my gap year & spending pretty much all of my earnings on socialising & making a great circle of friends from the outside world - I don't tend to get on with people of my own age group, so don't have heaps of friends from school or anything. I was single & having a fabulous time of it all. Suddenly I'm engaged to be married & pregnant.
I'm absolutely terrified, really. I don't know how I'm going to make it all work. I know that I will - I have to - but it's so much, so quickly. I had so many plans & now they've all changed. & the thing is, I wouldn't change any aspect of it. I wouldn't not be in this relationship (although it's struggling at the moment), or not have the baby, or not be at uni. I want all of those things. But I'm still not happy.
& I'm wondering if I ever will be. Whether it's normal to feel this way, or whether there's actually something wrong with my life.
Earlier, I got IDed in a pub when I was trying to buy food & had no ID on me. I ended up crying to the point of having to run to the toilet. When I came back, the barmaid said I could have the food, but I was not in the mood then. It's so unlike me. I'm usually so happy & optimistic & physically can't cry in front of anyone, even people I trust. I know it's partly hormones, but even so...
I don't really know what I'm asking of you all. Sorry. I don't think I'm making much sense.