frightened to leave dh..

[newmummy27]

my dh is the breadwinner and we have a comfortable life. we have been together for 11 years married for 3 and have a ds 1. we have not had sex since son was born, all we seem to do is argue and i feel i have fallen out of love. i am even imagining being apart and sometimes pretend i am. i am starting to see it as over. i have returned to work part time. i dont now how i will manage n my own financially. i could go back to work full time, which means son would have to be at nursery full time. we hve a joint mortgage. i dont have ny other debts. i would love to meat someone who i am on the same wavelengh as who i fancy and who would make me feel alive again. anyone been in this sitution and what did you do? at the moment i feel like i am just living an existance.

If you are relying on someone else to make you feel alive again then you are onto a loser. What happens when the romance starts to go in that relationship too - will you look for yet another man? You need to find happiness for yourself.

How about some relationship counselling together as a couple to see if you can improve things? If not then fair enough but you need to try for all your sakes.

I agree with TPL. Having a very young child is often a passionkiller. Try at the very least to talk things through with DH before making any irrevocable decisions. Re:finances - you could always go to see CAB and/or solicitor (free initial interview) to get a feel for your financial position if you split.

thanks i am posting the letter for relate today.there is no spark there, howver i find myself looking around at other men and can fancy them. we cant talk, we dont have conversations, it is making me very unhappy and lonely.if we did split i would want to be on my own and get my self esteem back and find myself again, i wouldnt rush into another relationship. thats if anyone would have me anyway with a 1 year old!

Oh you need to get your self esteem back and find yourself no matter what happens. I know it is hard when you have a young child. FWIW my DH and I had no sex for about 18 months after DS was born and it caused tension in our marriage even though DH was very good about it and put no pressure on (I had a bad episiotomy). Having no sex can make it harder to bond in other ways and if you add getting less sleep and rest and relaxation that that then you have a recipe for arguments and lack of communication.

I hope the counselling works out but in the meantime you must do something to make yourself happy - a hobby away from the home maybe? I found a weekly ballet class kept me sane and I met some new non baby people which was a bonus too.