You've heard it all before - but here goes...

[infidelitydiscovery]

Found text on husband's phone. Affair. With a colleague. She got pregnant. A termination. Seven months of lies. Reeling from the shock.

Kicked him out. Let myself be blackmailed into taking him back. Not happy at all.

He's been unfaithful before. Taken advantage of travel for work. But this is something else.

I would say though that you get to decide your family's future, he's lost his power now that he's cheated.

Really sorry to hear this. Second the idea that counselling for you would be a REALLY good idea right now. As for the not knowing how to be a single mother, you wouldn't have to learn it all at once. It's like anything, you practise it and get better at it. One day at a time. And a good chat with a good family lawyer will do much to assuage your fears, I think. I agree with Mrs Mattie that "for the children " is not a good enough reason to stay together, if it's the only one. He certainly needs to be kicked out for a good few months at least, until he is totally contrite and you feel stronger and more yourself.

this will be contraversial, and i think he's a bastard, BUt, just because he's had an affair doesn't mean he doesn't love you and want to continue to be married to you.

Some men can quite easily separate the two things, or two people.

Its also not necessarily weak to take someone back after they have hurt you. infact it is probably stronger thing to do. a lasting marriage is a culmination of all the ups and downs.

Think carefully about what you want. Do you want to be a single? do you want to find someone else ? do you want to make your marriage work?

If you stay with him you will have to forgive him because you want to be able to love your husband, rather than be bitter and resentful.

I agree you should have counselling.

If it was me I would take him back because my marriage is important to me, but i would definately make him suffer first by spending loads of his money on myself and not speaking to him for a month.

i feel for you and i hope you find a solution.
most men need teaching how to behave!!

oh so sorry for you - it does sound like a pattern of behaviour and the fact that you think he will do it again is awful imo.

What you do want from now on - forget the mortgage and children for a minute they are for both of you to worry about - he has only thought about himself, so now you must too.

you were not weak to be 'blackmailed' back to him - so dont feel bad about that either. who knows how they would react in your shoes - you have taken him back but that does not mean you are not allowed to change your mind.

My h had an affair and i can understand how you feel - but now i feel so much stronger and if one day i dont want to be married i will of course feel bad but also feel i deserve to feel loved and respected all the time - if he chooses to again ignore my needs (and they have been spelt out in big letters now) then i shall be gone.

If you now want to end it - then do so and if you change your mind later then maybe he will have you back but please dont stay if you feel so uncomfortable.

Also get some good legal advice as once you do you will feel so much stronger - the problems you fear are in fact half his anyway!!
Get yourself tested too - horrid as it is.
This is your life and you are in control of it.

Please dont stay for the children - my parents did that i think and now my mum is ill and my dad is her carer - so she is cared for someone she has no respect for and he is only there out of duty - no thanks not for me i would rather be alone than to think i could be in either of their positions.

"but i would definately make him suffer first by spending loads of his money on myself and not speaking to him for a month....

most men need teaching how to behave!!"

Kalo12; are you actually 12?

yes prince, I had to at kalo's comments too

highly unhelpful

oh what a super role model for your kids there

how to treat the mother of your children

with no respect
take her confidence
her dignity
and scre around on her and get soeone else pregnant

oh and has done it before

staying for the kids is bullshit

your weak - how can you let this man near you

he had his dick in another woman

women plural.

outragous. lady you need to chuck him out and gain back your own self respect.

get angry

get even

Do you mean that the blackmail is him not seeing the kids if he leaves? Is this really blackmail or him needing to sort out logistics?

Sorry if this is being ignorant....

I am so sorry for you.. Please seek RL help. This is such a hard burden for anyone to carry Sending you much love....

My parents stayed together for our sakes, I wish they hadn't. Living with parents that don't have any respect or affection for each other is hard. Children pick up on atmosphere from an early age and will know that things aren't right. They finally split when I was 20 and they are both so much happier now.
I am 33 now and I'm aware that growing up in that environment has had a bearing on my relationships.
The only good reason to stay in a relationship with him is because you really want to be with him.
For what it's worth, being a single mum isn't that bad- it's better than having your self respect eroded by someone who doesn't care enough to be faithful.
I am really sorry that you are going through this. x

I am really sorry you are in this situation.

I once heard this statement and thought "how true".

"Kids would rather be from a broken home than live in a broken home."

If you can't get past this and feel hate and anger towards your dh your kids will know it.

infidelity - I let my H stay - for the sake of the kids - I felt I owed it to them to at least try.

Well - the obvious happened yet AGAIN, he is now history, and you know what - my kids are fine, and they also have a mum who is regaining her self-repect/confidence/esteem and is happier than she has been for some years. No longer do I have to live with that slight question mark at the back of my head, wondering when/where/who.

And I feel that is a far better environment for my DC.

It's hard to make that first step - but probably not as hard as you imagine.