Help what would you do...unexpected pg...

[nicolamumof3]

I have three dcs already aged 9yrs, nearly 3 and 15m, dh said after last baby 'no more' however after being 2wks late we talked about what would we do. he said he couldn't terminate but how would we cope? Both physically and emotionally let alone financially. We don't have enough room for the children we have.

Also we are getting married next july. I have just done a test and yes i am most certainly pg. I am very confused, we have booked our wedding it is next july when the baby would be due!

God what a mess. We are careful with contraception but after it 'failed' last month i took morning after pill the same day, damn it didn't work. i don't know where to begin?

good luck with it, it sounds like you are not being selfish and doing it for the right reasons, so hope it all works out for you... x x x x

good luck nicola. Let us know how you are. Your friend dosent walk in your shoes, you do. You know what is best for you and your family.

just went to see absolutely useless dr, who said i should come back to discuss it further when i have had time to think about a termination in a week or so!!!! i said i have had nearly a week and have made up my mind, i am starting to get morning sickness and just feel wiped out by it all, i know that if i have a termination which is what i want that i will be referred to marie stopes and have to have counselling their anyway. She didn't have any information to give me. couldn't tell me the cut off date for a medical termination or anything. i just feel so let down, i am going back tomorrow to a different doctor. she said she had only just joined the practice and was not v.familiar??!

My best friend has just found out she is pregnant with number four. However she has just become a grandma three weeks ago, so she is going through a really emotional time and concerened about what others may think.
Her kids are 18,8 and 6.
she has decided to keep the baby but she still has not told anyone, she is 16 weeks.

I forgot to add, that she did go to a clinic to see about a termination when she was 9 weeks. They told her to go back the next day for the appointment, she couldn't make that kind of decision overnight, so she cancelled it. her husband has talked her round in to keeping it but i.m not sure she is convinced, they have struggled financially for years, she is now working with the kids at school and this happens. She had a coil fitted which did not appear to be fitted correctly and she had it removed and found out she was pregnant.

Just had marie stopes phone conversation ended in tears. dp can't understand why im so upset as its not 'even a baby yet' it is to me!!!! they wanted me to make a decision there and then whether i wanted a medical or surgical termination. i said i couldn't decide there and then would have to discuss with dp. it would involve two trips to clinic they will scan me with either i would find this so traumatic. I know i cannot i have this baby we wouldn't cope we haven't room and it would push us to breaking point which i don't want i look at my 'babies' now and it breaks my heart. im no further forward i need to do this i know that but i just want to wake up and its all over...

I think u have been blessed with another child and WHY tell me is this baby not as important as ur other 3, im sorry if wat im saying offends others but ive just miscarried a much wanted baby, i know plenty of single women who have 5 or 6 kids who cope really well on there own, u have a partner and a home so wats the problem. If you lived in northern ireland it wouldnt be just so simple to murder your baby as you wud have to travel over to england, really annoys me how many children dont get the chance in life because there parents decided it wasnt right for them!

Is this termination really the lesser of the two "evils" - I think it is going to break your heart.

Sorry - you probably don't want to hear that.

I am feeling for you.

Just caght this nicola and so sorry your having to go through all this. My last pg was v. unexpected,live in a small house,no money,DP hinting etc. We/I decided to keep. I had a bleed early on and suddenly realised that I wanted to keep the Baby as it suddenly became then. But know totally know where you are at and its a difficult place. Not a decision easily made despite what some may think . Hope you get some good support in RL and know that you must do what is best for you and your family.

ihateliars this is agonising its not something i am finding at all easy to just 'get rid' of my baby because its inconvenient. yes lots of people do cope with many more children in lesser circumstances than my own. we don't live an extravagant lifestyle we rent a 3bedroom house there is no room for another baby, that aside even if we moved four young children would be a huge emotional and physical strain, being pg with a toddler is hard going, i suffered spd with all my pg i couldn't walk for the last month of my last pg it was v.hardgoing. i would struggle to cope with the pg and the care of my little ones and also my older ds. I know alot of people would give their right arm to have a baby, my very dear friend is currently struggling to conceive a baby so i do know how awful it is to end a life. But i have to think of the children i already have as well and their quality of life. Whatever i do i will always feel compromised.

I have miscarried myself so i know how painful that is and I am so sorry for your loss,

Thank you pushchair, i have no support in RL apart from my dp who doesn't know what to say. i am finding this so hard, dp is at work long hours and i am at home with 3 ds and i never stop thinking about his other baby.

I meant this (not his!) other baby sorry x

When i got pg with ds3 we weren't trying but weren't being careful so it was enivatable this time we have been v.careful and it has still happened. Our accident baby is now ds3 there is 18m between our two youngest we didn't think we could cope we did although it has been v.hard going at times, my dp lost his job a week before ds3 arrived. to have three children under 3 is a huge job. but i keep thinking its not the baby's fault is it?

Im not judging u hun and please dont think i am, im an emotional wreck atm and seeing this post kinda angered me iykwim, think of years ago when there wer 10 kids in a one bed house and very little to eat or hardly any toys but the kids were always happy, thats wat my mum always told me anyway, can i just ask why u think there isnt room in a 3 bed house? would baby not be in ur room for 1st year then depending on the sex move to one of the other rooms (i know if it was a boy then it would be fine, a girl maybe a bit of a squeeze)

Im just trying to let u see that it is possible but it is ur life and ur decision and i know theres a lot u have to consider, i hope everything works out for you xx

Could you ask GP medical advice on having another? Maybe that with your history it would be too much. Ask GP and you could have that clarified if it is one of your worries.

We have our two youngest in one room and my oldest has the v.small box room, it would be major squeeze to get another in with the other two and its v.hard as they disturb each other at night as it is, if we had another in there it would be even harder. theres things like would need to get a bigger car, wouldn't be able to afford childcare if i wanted to go out to work, or any luxuries days out would become even more of an expense. I know the children probably are happy but ds1 very much misses out on one on one time and he says so. it would be even more limited with a newborn.. I found it hard to b/feed with a toddler too but i know it can be down, its not just the baby stage but four children is alot to bring up to adulthood and beyond.

I appreciate how upset you must be i know as i still think of the baby i lost and wonder would it have been a girl or a boy what colouring who would he/she have been like etc. i can't stop crying.

My spd would be worse with each pg i found that out with ds2 pushchair x

We are in similar position with 2 yougest in one room and 9 yr old in small boxroom.

What a horrible situation to be in. I do feel for you, nicola. I found I was pg with #3 earlier this year and spent a few weeks not feeling pg and really hoping that medically it would be impossible to carry another baby. The family planning were fantastic, and the most supportive people.

in the end I didn't have to make a decision and I miscarried.

It's a very private decision and there is no right answer. I was advised that a medical termination is ok - you get an anaesthetic and they should know if they've got everything, but again, it will depend on circumstances.

So sorry you're having to go through this.