Why am I such a spoilt little moo?

[Gizmo]

Very trivial issue, but it's past midnight, I can't sleep and need to get this off my chest.

DH and I have had a misunderstanding. Just before the weekend I found out about a last minute place on a skiing trip that he could take with some friends of ours. He's been working hard, so I encouraged him to take the break while I look after DS.

We had a conversation on Saturday morning about this and about the amount he will be away for work in March and agreed that I was owed a holiday for myself. Somehow I ran away with the idea that DH was going to pay for this. I have spent some of today looking at nice hotels/spas and daydreaming of a couple of days sleeping and being pampered.

Basically unless DH does pay, I can't afford to go. I earn a reasonable amount, but only about 70% of what he does, and I'm a)not as responsible as him with my money and b) saving for a new bed at present. Which means that when he said to me this evening 'I'll pay for your holiday if you pay for mine' I was a bit stuffed.

I've always had to be careful about money issues in our relationship. DH is careful with money, I'm not. We cope by having a joint account for household expenditure and the rest is ours to spend as we want. This keeps the temperature down nicely.

So basically I'm just moaning and about something incredibly trivial. It's just that I was so delighted that he was doing something so generous for me and I thought it was a nice gesture for all my hard work over the past 13 months with DS and now I find I had totally misunderstood. Its a bit of a slap in the face and I can't even talk to DH about it tonight because he has to get up early to fly off up north for work.

And I'm shocked that at the back of my head is a little girly voice screaming 'it's not fair, I wanna go on holiday.....'

Can't think about it rationally, really. Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening

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Cheers RobinW for responding. Possibly it is the equal care thing, if so it shouldn't really be a problem as DH is pretty good about sharing out our responsibilities equally so all I have to do is ask. He might be a bit mardy when it dawns on him that means all of sunday, not just the morning lie-in, but it will do him good.

The bed, BTW, is my contribution after he bought some new sofas, so we're pretty even there.

I suppose, as so often, I do a batch of stuff for people thinking it will be appreciated and I will be given a lovely spontaneous reward but in fact it just isn't really noticed much. I need to get real and spell out the quid pro quo before I do anything beyond what we have agreed. But I would love things to happen the other way, and this little episode has just underlined how that is never going to work. Depressing

And I really hate that feeling when, in a relationship where I'm used to being a complete adult, I'm suddenly throwing an (internal) tantrum because someone has broken my present. How grown up is that?

Anyway, I'll stop now, because there are plenty of people on this site who have real problems and if they come across this thread are probably thinking its a waste of space . Which it is

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Could you just tell him how you feel and what you want? I realize that this isn't an easy (or necessarily construcive) suggestion, but it's worked for me. I just have to get over the fact that my husband is different than me and needs some guidance sometimes (many times). He does want to see me happy, but sometimes just doesn't know what I want.

(Just call me Mrs Spoiled! I usually get it. I like to think that he does too, though.)

JJ, that?s certainly my plan, maybe I?ll just show him this thread! Although the spontaneity has gone, we can at least work through some alternative, cheaper ways for me to get a break. I?m more relaxed about the whole thing now, anyway and I think you are right Robinw, it?s often the little things that are the final straw. However, writing it all down seems to be excellent therapy ? perhaps you guys should charge for your listening ear(s).