am i being selfish? please advise

[bubbles2904]

sorry to bore you all in advance, just want a suggestion and not sure if this is the right place. my best friend in the whole world ended a relationship just over 1 year ago because he was a complete shit, in february she met a new man that is really lovely and treats her and her children really well,since she has met him i have only seen her twice on her own. i don't mind him as i said, he is lovely. but tomorrow we have arranged a girly day with the kids, shopping and having dinner together, however she has just asked me if he can tag along, i said yes before i even thought of what she had said. how can i get out of it? am i being selfish, that just this once i want to spend time with just her and the children?

I reckon it's a shame you can't have one day alone with your mate without him tagging along! Could you cry off and rearrange for next week (hopefully on a day when he will not be available)?

he has been laid off at the moment so is constantly ther. even if i pop in unannounced he is there, as i say, i don't have a problem with him, just want to see her alone for once. i don't bring my partner with me when we meet up, she also lives in manchester which is about 20 miles from me so i don't get to see her much. have arranged for this week as the kids are off school.

Maybe the best thing would be to say you'd planned loads of girlie things to do as you hadn't realised he would be coming. Claim you think he'll probably be bored so no point him being there...?

yes maybe i will try tht. thank you

Could you not just say that while you like him very much, you would like to spend some time just with her and her children? I would have thought most people would understand.

maybe, that sounds like a good idea. she had a miscarriage about 3 weeks ago and i think they just want to be together which i totally understand, but why organize a girly day?

I would not do anything but learn from it, and say no the next time.

i think i am just going to tell her that i will go to her house to see them but that i won't go for dinner with them as i will feel like a gooseberry. how does that sound?