F#@k buddies - fact or fiction?

[SamJones]

OK - so H and I separated 8 months ago, and since then I have erm enjoyed a few No Strings Attached sex sessions with a guy I have known for years. He is single, and is as happy about the NSA status of our relationship as I am. I am not ready to embark on an emotional relationship, yet after a very frustrating celibate couple of years within marriage before we split, I found my libido needed satisfying.

But sometimes I wonder if I am deluding myself about the safety of a NSA Fuck Buddy, and could be storing up trouble for the future.
Does anyone else have experience of this sort of situation? Does it work for you?

I have been pondering on this more - and I don't have time right now to go into the reasoning of it - but I thnk it partly depends on if you view the activity as 'making love' or having sex.

For me the former has much more kissy cuddly stuff going on as as part of it, whereas the latter is much more carnal.

Yes sex without the emotions is a different experience to that within a loving relationship, but it can also be refreshingly cleancut.

Without the relationship - when I get together with my buddy - we are there for the physical experience and can concentrate purely on that. No worrying about will the kids wake up, pressures of household life intruding, or keeping in mind who has to get up at what time etc etc.
It's just us and the experience. Perhaps we are lucky in that we are both fairly experimental so we don't just go over the same ground each time.

And when its over we go back to our lives with a smile on our faces.

I am sure that in time the emotional side of my psyche will reappear from it's box when it has had enough time to heal, and at that point my needs will probably change. But as Solidgold has pointed out - there's no reason not to enjoy the moment right now.

Ok so i found time for the reasons....better go do some work now...

well to me kissing is part anf parcel of the sexual arousal and the sexual pleasure

kissing is key to the whole experience

it is kissing that leads to sex

Fair enough, but it is also a big part of the intimacy of a loving relationship, which is not where I am at right now.

Like I said before - there is kissing - but probably has a different role for us at the moment that in a full-on relationship.

Zippi: if you like kissing, kiss away. Not everyone does. There isn't anything wrong with preferring not to.
Sex-with-love can be very nice, sure, yeah yeah - but sex-with-love can also be crap and boring (particularly for women) if you get into the mindest that 'love is enough' and don't want to hurt ickle snugglebunny snoggins' feelings by pointing out that you'd like more foreplay or that he's hung like a mushroom or whatever.
Sex for its own sake is great too - and of course can sometimes be crap too, but if you have sex with someone who is a fuckbuddy and his/her technique is a bit ropey, you can either offer some advice without the person shitting the bed and screaming that you must have been UNFAITHFUL to have such DISGUSTING ideas - or you can simply move on to someone else...

5.5 years I have been in the world of buddies such as these.

They have mainly worked because I invested some time in what they wanted or didn't want.. e.g did my best to make sure they were not married, or lived in my area, where I could I had testimonials and spent about a month beforehand getting a sense of what the vibes were before taking it further e.g safe sex and going through limits etc got covered, discretion was a must too.

When I first got involved I had a few male buddies, it was a once a month thing on average, and 5.5 yrs later I am still in contact and see probably every 4 mths (distance crops up) one buddy for NSA, though saying that he was very helpful when I needed some genuine pain relief recently (he is in alternative therapies) He also helped me out in the start by introducing me to a woman for a different experience.

Twice it did not work out, a misjudgement on my part in the beginning, whatever made me think that a 22 yr old would be a good deal and one guy had a lesbian for his wife and she knew on reflection when I think about it there was no way he was going to get it up for anyone or anything.. shudder.

There are no guarantees for anything, but they can and do work out.

Sorry to hi-jack, can anyone advise? I've been single for a good 2 years now, and sort of feel ready for a proper relationship again although certainly not desperate. However I have recently been contacted by and met up for NS sex with an old friend from uni.. basically I want to know if I should carry on seeing him or concentrate on finding a long-term parter?

Both.

That's to op.

I think there are at least two potential problems with the FB arrangement:

1. You or he get over-involved. which is quite easy, as the intimacy of this physical contact, especially when filling an emotional need is liable to lead to some heartbreak, and

2)You think you are being all Bohemien, but he is actually thinking of you as an easy lay, and starts to treat you craply.

If you can avoid these scenarios, then go for it!