I must be getting boring now. But re my recent split from H in early Sept after years of his on/off texting/cybering of other women/porn addiction that led to it and his general on/off withdrawal from family life/moods etc.. I am now in a situation where I just don't know what to do.
I posted here a couple of weeks ago about how best to manage our separation since he moved out which was only a couple of weeks ago because he didn't have another place to go to until then.
I thought I was managing things ok - I've been seeing lots of him on a pretty much friends basis (and he never stays here!), mainly for the kids but also I have been enjoying his company. I like the new H and I want to believe that this IS the him he is going to be. He says he is determined to be this person, that he feels more positive than he has in years. He is going back to work (got a Back to Work interview today after a DECADE "off sick" wallowing - in some respects - in his medical condition although I am not denying his arthritis flare-ups are very painful when they do occur but fact is, he can work, at least part time, and wants to.)
He is having two lots of counselling for his addictive tendencies, one lot privately, one lot on the NHS through the mental health service. He is different in so many ways.. the miserable old git is gone replaced by someone who laughs and plays. The kids have been in their element. And he never stops showing me how much he loves me, regrets everything, would do anything for another chance at a future together (although I've made no promises). I want to believe him and trust him but I'm afraid to. I know he means what he says but he's meant what he said in the past too when he's "given up" his behaviour and then reverted to it. But he's never made a "new start" like this before. But then the stakes have never been this high and he we've never split up properly before.
But my family can't handle that he's been over here at my house so much. They say they can't visit when they want. My sister came over yesterday, then drove off in a strop when she saw his car here. My mum sends me emails detailing all his nastiness of the past and reminding me how people rarely change. My best friend is trying to bite her lip but agrees with my family wholeheartedly. I know there's nothing they'd really like more than for me to divorce him and move on. Prefetably meet someone else (the thought to me, is laughable).
But I love him. And now he's treating ME with the love I craved from him for so long, it's very hard for me to relegate him to my past as "just the father of my children".
What the bloody feck do I do? I can't have counselling yet; am on a waiting list.
There's been a show-down this morning. I unwisely told him last night that him being here so much was causing problems and he even more unwisely text my mum and sister asking them not to shout and me and give me grief and that he is only trying to be there for me, to help me out with the kids and housework (we have a severely disabled child who is lots and lots of work and it's been agreed all along that he would share the care as much as possible with him.)
Sister kicked off big style demanding that I tell him NOT to contact her or our mum again and that they want nothing whatsoever to do with him or his opinions. I text him this. He came round. I felt so confused and stessed that I shouted at him, "why did you have to behave the way you did for so many years? You had us, you lost us, now go.." and he did.
He even mentioned divorce if that's what I want. I don't.
I can't stand all this. My brain feels like it's exploding. I know I must be getting boring and tedious but there is noone else to ask about all this. Counsellor, booked - can't afford private and family/friends all too involved.
Please help if you think you can.