Any other "children" from first families (even though you're an adult now) still having mahoooooosive issues with their parents over perceived or actual favouritism towards their second families?

[eekamoose]

My Dad still right royally p*s me off and I'm 46. I guess I should

1. Get over it

or

1. Get it off my chest here

or

1. Say something to Dad and Stepmother

and if 3. then how to go about it?

Does any of this make sense to anyone else?

Gentle bump. Any one else sidelined by absent parents' second families when they were younger?

How do you all get on now?

No, but as a step-mum I shall read this thread with interest as I'd hate to be making any mistakes with dsd.

Why did you feel your were sidelined?

Just in every way Surfermum. My Dad left my mum when I was 10 and my brother was 16.

He remarried and had 3 more children who are 15, 17 and 20 years younger than me (all adults now, too, of course).

In my teenage years and through University I really hardly ever saw him (he was busy with 3 very small children, we all know how time-consuming that can be).

I am still the least favoured of his 5 children, the one he has least time for.

My older brother has forged a relationship with him but I just seem unable to. He seems to make my blood boil every time I see or speak to him. I guess underneath it all must be jealousy to do with all the years of financial, emotional and just plain day to day support my half-siblings got from him that I never did.

That and anger at him leaving me aged 10 at home with a mother who was so distraught at being left she turned to alcohol, valium and attempted suicide.

Whoops that all came up when I only meant to post one or two little points!

Oh yes. My dad has since disowned me for not behaving appropriately.

He sees my sister occasionally.

His stepchildren are much praised and doted on. He refuses to attend any family functions to which they are not invited. They are adults, FGS.

My sister and I both have children (seen rarely), university degrees (dismissed as irrelevant) and still feel occasionally sad about it.

Yep, my parents split when I was 18 mo. I actually didn't see my dad from aged 3-12 (my mum's fault but influenced by a horrid step dad) so I didn't properly 'meet' him till aged 12. We always had a sucky relationship. Once I confronted him and said "I feel like you love XXX and XXX (my little bro's) more than me" he said "of course I do" cue big falling out, him telling me I was not a child any more (I was 19) and much shit and not talking for years.

Years later he seemed to have some kind of epiphany, split up with his wife, got in touch with me, took responsibility for everything and being so shit.

Things are much better now. he still clearly loves my bro's more than me, and still a bit crap about getting in touch, but I have learned not to have so many expectations, and me and him need to find our own relationship. I don't think of him as my dad, in fact I rarely call him dad, I never know what to call him. I still feel cheated out of a proper family life, but am much more philosophical now. My brothers really are fab too, and I no longer feel jealous of them, it's not their fault.

I completely understand how you feel. How you deal with it depends on your relationship and if you are willing risk it. I was because I wasn't getting anything from my relationship with my dad. But it all worked out in the end. You have to just accept things in the end, and make the best of them.

My half brother now does not speak to me, my brother or dad. He's the one from first family. In fact he ignored me and DD when he walked past me at a recent charity event - not sure if he knew I'd had her then or not!