What would you do with pre-DP diaries and letters? Torn over whether to keep them.

[flubberdubdub]

Basically, have been with DH for 4 years and he is wonderful. Have a son together and another baby on way. I love him very much, and know he loves me too, even though we aren't particularly amorous and probably only have sex once every 10 days or so. That's just the way we are - a bit lazy I suppose!

In my former life, however, I had a very volatile and passionate relationship with an older man - it was very on-off and in the 'off' times I made the most of being single and had a fair few casual flings and one-night stands. I was probably no more crazy than a lot of girls my age but now that I am a smug married with an angelic little toddler I look back and it seems a bit debauched!

DH and I NEVER talk about our love lives prior to meeting one another (he has stated that he just doesn't want to know) but I am pretty sure that I am his first major relationship and that he has probably only slept with a handful of people. He is such a nice, wholesome guy and I mean that in the best possible way.

Since the age of I don't know when I have kept diaries. I am a writer and they are very important to me. Sometimes I read them and it's painful, or makes me cringe, or cry or get angry with myself. But I value them a lot and they help me make sense of lots of things. However, the other day DH was in the attic clearing out some stuff and came across some old university work of mine. I studied creative writing and he started to read my old work, intrigued and amused. He then came across a letter tucked away in it all which I had written to my boyfriend but never sent. The content was sexually quite graphic and referred to our rampant lovelife. He told me what he had found and was obviously very upset and - worse - disappointed in me. I am scared that he will never forget it and that it has damaged our relationship in a subtle but permanent way.

I'm now thinking that for the sake of our relationship I should bin all my old diaries and letters. There is just so, so much writing and it pops up in so many unexpected places. There is always the chance that it couold happen again. Also, I don't want my son to ever know what I got up to, and what I was like. If he grows up to be like his dad he will find such information to much to bear!

What would you do?

keep. but round them up and lock them away. they're your privatediaries

Keep them if you want to keep them. They are yours, after all. A partner who nags you to get rid of evidence/mementoes from your past, or who fusses about stuff you did in the past and seems to want to pretend you were untouched by so much as a fingertip before he/she met you is a partner who needs to either grow the fuck up or be shown the door. Jealous, insecure people should never be pandered to as it makes them worse.

Is he disappointed in you for keeping it or disappointed in you for having fun before him?

He has married you and whether he likes it or not, that person will always be a part of your past life. Getting rid of the evidence will never change that.

So please, do not bin your diaries or letter (which is just a diary entry in another form). You will regret it.

I have kept everything. It is funny to look back on.

Laughed out loud at you thinking sex every 10 days is not much! If only I had the energy for sex every 10 days!

Wow, thank you for all your responses. It's interesting that there are such different views about what I should do with all this stuff. On the one hand, I am very reluctant to burn/toss it as it's so representative of my formative years, no matter how cringe-making it is, and I feel like I would lose a part of my identity by getting rid of it. I also do sometimes resent how DH expects me to pretend like he's the first man I ever kissed, let alone the other .

But then again, I would NEVER want DS to read this stuff. Nor even his children! Some of it is pretty sordid stuff!

For now I'll keep it locked in the safe while IU decide what to do with it.

Thanks again for all your thoughts....

Wow, thank you for all your responses. It's interesting that there are such different views about what I should do with all this stuff. On the one hand, I am very reluctant to burn/toss it as it's so representative of my formative years, no matter how cringe-making it is, and I feel like I would lose a part of my identity by getting rid of it. I also do sometimes resent how DH expects me to pretend like he's the first man I ever kissed, let alone the other .

But then again, I would NEVER want DS to read this stuff. Nor even his children! Some of it is pretty sordid stuff!

For now I'll keep it locked in the safe while IU decide what to do with it.

Thanks again for all your thoughts....

Wow, thank you for all your responses. It's interesting that there are such different views about what I should do with all this stuff. On the one hand, I am very reluctant to burn/toss it as it's so representative of my formative years, no matter how cringe-making it is, and I feel like I would lose a part of my identity by getting rid of it. I also do sometimes resent how DH expects me to pretend like he's the first man I ever kissed, let alone the other .

But then again, I would NEVER want DS to read this stuff. Nor even his children! Some of it is pretty sordid stuff!

For now I'll keep it locked in the safe while IU decide what to do with it.

Thanks again for all your thoughts....

i got rid of mine, aside from one book of poetry i wrote during my turbulent years. My diaries were not just debauched stuff, but also my drug taking and major depression which when I re-read spirals me down again.

My DH has been my saviour in more ways than one and I felt holding onto that stuff was keeping me from fully recovering from hitting my self destruct button.

The memories are hard enough to have to keep!

It's Ok to have privacy in a relationship, as long as it's not being deceitful or unfaithful.

When I met DH he had kept every single letter written to him, b/day cards etc. Not just from girlfriends - everyone he ever knew. They were lying about everywhere - he made no effort to put them away.

I found it pretty upsetting - not that he had them, but that I had to face his past relationships nearly every day.

In the end, I told him I had kept a couple of letters from a previous relationship, but they were in a box (not sure of box whereabouts now). I expected him to do the same, or the whole lot would go in the bin. Being DH, he couldn't be bothered so I binned them. He was pretty angry, but forgot about it pretty quickly