personal comment about my DS

[N8sofie]

Another mother that i am freindly with at my sons primary school, I'll call her Kate, made a comment this afternoon:

(a bit of background) DS1 11yrs started at independent secondary in september, my youngest DS 7yrs is in the same class as her son. I was taking her son home with us after school for tea. DS1 was with me at pick up time as his school had an 'occassional day' (like an inset day). Anyway Kate made a negative quip about him having a day off, was very about his school having an ocasional day, i told her it was like an inset day.
But what she said next stunned me, "Hasn't he got a small head, it's tiny" She cupped her hands to show the shape and size of his head. "So tiny". I said nothing, and my DS1 nudged me in the ribs.

My DS has always been the smallest in the class, he does have a slight build, and his face and head are in proportion to this but I feel she picked this out. It was another negative comment, but this time about his appearence rather than about his school.

I have two questions if anyone can help: What should I have said to back up my DS (that is my main concern). And secondly, what do you think is going on with her?

as you mention his independant school do you think it is a touch of sour grapes, coupled with stupidity/meanness?

Yes she had a DC when she made the comment and if you ever ask how would you feel or react having somebody call your baby imperfect she replies 'but he's not.' My baby is due soon and I've already told her she's not welcome at the hospital, as she wanted to be at the birth and it sounds mean as I do love her and she is a really good friend but the last thing I need is to be told I look rough in labour or my baby is any less than perfect. My bf wouldn't have it anyway, he's soft but he's said in no uncertain terms this is a moment he doesn't want to share with my friend or anyone else really. I put the way I feel about her rude/insensitive/unneccessary remarks aside because they are not all she is, but I understand others wont have that forgiveness as she isn't their best friend that has done so much for them and taken care of them in so many other ways. People do say I make excuses too much for her sometimes and I don't blame people if they bite back at her (they rarely do tho if ever so maybe thats why she does carry on.) I wouldn't worry about DS I think kids are more resiliant than we realise. Hope u are ok, don't waste your thoughts on it, i'm positive the opportunity will come where you can return her 'honesty' and although not seemingly the more mature thing to do it does make you feel better. Otherwise just be happy and she can talk all she wants, I know if she said that to me about someone elses child i'd most probably point out my disapproval of gossiping/insulting a child and even if I didn't i'd see her for something not very nice.

Lovemuch, Awww, your baby's due soon xx And great you're not having your friend at the hospital, good for you - no doubt she'd come if she could!!

I know what you mean about her being a good friend in alot of ways, helping you out when no-one else has etc... But I have weighed it up with my friend, particulary not being able to trust her now so I can't have her around me. Also I think I am quicker at spotting bully and sneaky behaviour now directed towards me or my DC. It has taken me a long time, but I am better for it now. Maybe your friend hasn't crossed that line?
Thanks again

Pip, your son is sooooooooo funny. I've laughed my ass off at that.

maybe you should have something like, his head is just a perfect size or small and beautifully formed then kissed him on the head.

Some people are rude or are just quite stupid and may not of meant to of been so rude. But whatever the case you ds does not need her to comment on the size of his head. If a child said it you would understand, but she is meant to be an adult.