Can't stop crying today Long sorry

[hauntedcitylover]

Even felt teary in the sandwich bar today when due to a misunderstanding they didn't process my order and i was standing around ike a lemon waiting!!

Not really like me at all. I do get very emotional esp a few days before a period but have now started so it usually gets better.

I think it's a combination of things really, just want to vent

1. deleted exbfs no from my phone last night (tho i still have it written down LOL) after sending him another random text and hearing nothing back - the pattern of our relationship (if you even can call it that) is that since he reappeared in July 07 he will come on strong then disappear with no warning. Usually comes back eventually with some random explanation. I know I know but I think I am so sad because I just have to face he doesn't feel about me the way I feel about him. I have never felt anything so powerful and overwhelming.

2. DCs old childminder died suddenly last week and the funeral is next week. Not in the best of health but relatively young - mid 40s. All mums very shocked.

3. Am so tired of nagging/persuading my exH to see DCs a bit more and the level of control he still tries to exert over us. He has moved on having wrecked lives here and landed in a Enid Blyton type family (despite being one of the most bitter and cynical and downbeat people I know - does not show it for a while though esp in a new relationship. Meanwhile I am now really struggling despite having a reasonable career type job.

4. In order to get over 2) have been dabbling in online dating but it isn't very easy when not much free time - max every other saturday night, part of Sunday and possibly if I am v nice to exH a night in the week. Can't afford babysitter atm

5. I feel myself sliding into this big pool of bitterness and I so do not want to go there despite feeling it quite often.

I can see many positive aspects in my newish life but for some reason today it all seems like one big uphill struggle.

Should also say that ExH is very critical and undermining of my parenting and he sort of makes out as though I am a bit 'low rent' though honestly I am not.

eg he wanted to meet me a couple of weeks ago to discuss DS2s weight and DS1s general attitude.

I then felt obliged to defend myself because the way he raised it was like a disclipinary interview - not that I have ever had one mind!!!

Sorry don't know what to advise you. In fact not sure there's anything I can say that you probably haven't thought of.

Oooh just one thing - throw that piece of paper away. You WILL be tempted to call him again. If he comes back then so be it you can deal with him then. But texting and waiting for a reply will just leave you feeling in limbo and, frankly, shite. But you know that don't you. Ok, not the done thing but have a hug.

I identify with this a lot...

"I feel myself sliding into this big pool of bitterness and I so do not want to go there despite feeling it quite often."

I'm finding things such a financial struggle and my x gives us nothing but earns a fortune and sees the children, so he does care.... It's a hard one to grapple with.

I'm sorry your dc's childminder died. That's a really horrible shock. I somethings think, I've bounced back, I'm fine, I'm strong, and then I discover that I've no hot water and I burst into tears with the disappointment. So something as completely sad and shocking as your dc's childminder dying is awful. No wonder you're upset.

My x also tells me I'm not coping and I'm a loser etc.. It's very hard to let it slide off, even when I know it's not true and I'm a good mother and he's just an extremely nasty person. I am trying to detach myself completely from caring what he thinks of me, but it's incredibly difficult to switch off, and resist the urge to defend myself constantly. That is a total waste of time!

My x would be the same as yours, if their teeth grow crooked it'll be all my fault.. It's exhausting sometimes, being under the spotlight of such criticism.

As for dating, I haven't been on a single date, so I can't give you any advice there I'm afraid.

M

Thanks grab shell dude - I have the no. It's pinned to my notice board at work. I I had to delete it from my phone, to avoid temptation of texting but when I did it last night it was like a big ordeal my heart was beating fast the act of doing was incredibly upsetting - I have been thinking about doing for about a month now. It was clearly very symbolic to me. Last saw him early september.

Liffey thanks - funnily enought I also get the teeth thing as well (snide comments implying I give them too many sweets which is bullshit) - I often say to him well they are your kids as well when he starts whinging about them. he is apt to make derogatory comments about them in front of them which I find very

He does pay maintenance.

I should add that it was their old childminder - they haven't been to her recently but I did use her for about 5 years for both children.

Get rid of the number now, as texting him will just leave you hanging around checking your phone all the time wondering when he will text,not giving you a chance to move on and make you more emotionally upset. Knowing where their number is will just lead to temptation. And I agree with what Grabshell said it will leave you feeling shite. And if he does turn up again you might be in a stronger place emotionally to deal with him and tell him to stop messing you about. Remember you deserve better.

Cant really give you any advise on the ex as I would just tell him where to go as ex husband and I dont speak anymore. Bringing up children is a hard job and you will be doing a great job ex's just like to undermine your confidence.

As for dating just go with the flow but I havent had a date in 8 months, but have got one next week so might be able to give better advice then

Thanks funkypumpkin - I am not going to text him again, that's why I deleted it because I had this overwhelming urge to text him and won't be able to if the number is not in my phone.

Nothing would give me more pleasure than to tell my exH where to go (he is a pompous old git) but that would just give him the moral highground so I point out areas of disagreement (have sent him an email this week about use of the word 'fat'which he seems to think OK) but try to grit my teeth about the rest of it.

I am gritting my teeth for you at the comments made in front of your DChildren. Pompous fecker!! I have been married for 30 years (so lucky ) and my husband, the father of all four of my sons, comments about my lastborns weight all the time. He doesn't realise that this child will soon be in his teens and will grow and if he stays the same weight will not be someone you would like to be angry with you

Hope your exH todger drops off!!

My DS2 is so sensitive too (he is only just 7) and the use of that word by exH (about someone else not my son) but in front of DS1 just endorses the use of that word imo.

Don't think he has shown this side to his new DP yet.

LOL at todger - it was never very appealing at the best of times - have seen better looking ones (in the limited spectrum of their appeal) LOL

Please throw the exbf's no away. Don't make yourself struggle with ringing/txting when you're down.
You are shot of your exh (well as much as you can be with kiddies!) at least you don't have to see him/sleep with him/ look at his skiddies anymore. He clearly is a knob, show him this thread if you like!
Be nice to yourself, you sound like you have so much on (which you do)and you're trying to find a nice someone to share your life with. You will find someone but you have to be kind to yourself first.
You are allowed to have weepy days even when everything is fine so treat yourself tonight, lovely magazine, wine, bath, chocs, face pack whatever you want. Justify it (if you must!)as sanity saving, life preserving stuff. Hugs to you, you're doing a great job (in spite of the horrible men you've successfully shrugged off!)

Thank you so much DD. Have a friend and her son around tonight which is always nice. She is lovely company.

Tomorrow will be in (kids at exs) and am planning a couple of DVDs. Can't go anywhere as it's just before payday.

....forgot to say throw the number away my love....been there, done that and have a XL tshirt that gives the details

Yes me too been there done that loads off heartbreak but coming out the other end smiling

hope you have a good night with your friend and I am sure you will feel better soon just give yourself some time and dont beat yourself up. You are doing a great job all round.

Sending a hug.xx

haunted

Firstly I will echo everybody else and say shred/ throw away the phone number.

Secondly with your ex h you need to appear totally confident and in total control. Keep your head held high and know that you do a good job with your children.

If he makes inappropriate comments again put on your steely voice and with a smile give a short direct answer. Do not allow him to make you feel bad. At all. Ever again. (I do know it's easier said than done btw, but you have to start somewhere.)

As for feeling teary, surely thats normal sometimes and okay. Glad you have a friend coming round later, maybe have a glass of wine with her and confide your worries.

You sound lovely and actually like you have a lot going on. Time to take back control of your life.

I have a suggestion if you can't bear to throw the number away or for some reason think you might need it one day... give it to a friend who doesn't like how he treats you for safekeeping and then delete it from everywhere else. That way you still have access but you can't just feel a bit low and call him on the spur of the moment.

As to the rest... it sounds like you are suffering from stress, which is understandable given your circumstances. Can you avoid talking to your exH for a while until you get a chance to get on a more even keel?

Feeling better today. had a great evening last night with my friend and her son.

But guess what - the f**cker texted me out of the blue!! Oh yes. We had a long and fairly frank txt conversation during which I think we estbalished that we want different things - I may see him again but it could be the last time. I think he was shocked because I laid it on the line.

Good progress hauntedcity. I was going to say that you have too many things going on and that you should prioritise and focus on the two most important/urgent ones for the time being. And then revisit in a couple of weeks.

Thanks TD. I feel so much better now I have said my piece to him.

Never been one to shy away from that if I get the chance.

In fact that's how exH and I sort of made the decision to get married - I laid it on the line to him because I thought he needed his mind focusing. Not very romantic but effective nonetheless.

Hate pussyfooting around.

That's right- taking control is best way. Take care

Hi haunted how are you doing? You seem in a better frame of mind.

Yes I am thanks. Much better.

I will be seeing exbf later in the week I don't know what the outcome will be. I know there is something there on his side but don't know whether it's enough.

But at least things are out in the open now. And that feels good.

Better you feel in control than not. Please let us know how you get on later in the week.
Fingers crossed for you and the out come is what you want.