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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I hate you mummy

12 replies

Chiccadum · 28/02/2003 19:28

Please someone tell me that they have been told the same by their little ones. As soon as I discipline her this is what I get. It breaks my heart, at the minute I've got PND and feel very very low and hearing this doesn't help.

I have lost count how many times a day she says this (she is nearly 4)

Any words of wisdom out there?

OP posts:
Tinker · 28/02/2003 19:32

I get it all the time Chiccadum, (also get 'I love you Mummy' as well). Please, please don't let it get to you. Just tell yourself (unless, of course, you are beastly mummy ) that they only say it because they know they are so loved and that they are secure and sure you won't stop loving them. But I do understand that when it is said at the 'wrong' time it can really feel like a slap.

lou33 · 28/02/2003 20:00

I have to echo Tinker's words of advice. I hear it too many times to count as I have 4 beasts ( only 3 who can say it so far though!), but I don't usually bother to take any notice because I know they don't really mean it.It's just a way of expressing their anger, probably the worst thing they can think of to say at the time They tell me they love me just as often.

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2003 20:03

I said this to my mum ALL the time when I was little and not so little. Now I hear it occasionally myself from my own kids I'm v impressed at my Mum's failure to respond in the heart broken manner I was hankering after. She just used to say "Well, that's your decision but I love YOU very much and I'm still not gonna let you do xyz..." Don't let it get to you, Chiccadum. She's probably just trying to make you feel guilty for not letting her do what she wants! Don't let her succeed or you'll be undoing all your good work. And I agree (as ever) with Tinker- if she can risk saying this she is very very sure of your love.

Hope you feel better soon.

Tortington · 28/02/2003 21:44

my kids threaten to fone social services occasionally. i hand them the phone and say " hunny if you think you will be better off in a childrens home - go ahead"

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2003 23:21

Custy- you are my parenting role model! Must be taking after my son- was singing him a silly song in the street the other day and he laughed so much he wet himself. Here I am reading your post and nearly doing the same thing. I'm not as cute as my boy so I'm not sure my partner would be as understanding if I produced a puddle by the pc.

Clarinet60 · 28/02/2003 23:32

I get 'don't love you any more' whenever I say no to something, but it's lovely when he retracts it later and showers me with 'I love you SO much', and millions of kisses. I look forward to the hard word now, because I know what's coming after it.

Shame it doesn't feel the same with DH.

WideWebWitch · 28/02/2003 23:56

custardo, I nearly spat my wine all over my pc too, you do make me laugh!

GeorginaA · 01/03/2003 10:35

That reminds me when I was a kid and threatened to run away, my mother offered to pack my bag for me! Not sure I've ever forgiven her for it

deegward · 01/03/2003 15:24

If my ds says anything like that I just reply, " well that's a shame because I love you lots!" he usually comes round in a while, and does say lovely things like "Mummy you are gorgeous" (which is great because I am 8 mths pg and feel like a beached whale), he also gives cuddles and kisses if I look sad.

I think children look for a way to get a reaction, and if they get the wrong one ie that's a shame or no reaction at all, they are less likely to keep doing it. (yeh right, but that's what the books say)

mam · 01/03/2003 16:41

Chiccadum it does get easier to hear (so far) the first few times it was horrid as I hated having to tell my child off sternly, but it had to be done. One day my ds told me very sternly how he was going to tell daddy all about how horrible I had been to him so I said why wait until tonight hurry up getting dressed and you can phone him now. It made him very happy he quickly did as I wanted him to and then he excitedly phoned daddy and told him he loved him - all had been forgotten about how horrid I was and I got what I needed in the end (him dressed quickly)!

Lara2 · 01/03/2003 20:14

You're not alone. I get this regularly along with worst mother in the world, you love him more than me, get out of my life..... I could go on. Let it all wash over you and savour the nice things she says.

mollipops · 04/03/2003 06:22

chiccadum, I know how you feel, our almost 4 yr old ds has this latest thing of saying "I don't like you anymore" or "you're not my friend"..it drives us crazy cos he says it over and over again. We don't know how to react to it. Nothing seems to work long-term and the next day we have it all over again. If anyone has any ideas, we'd appreciate them too!

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