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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What now...

34 replies

Daisypops · 17/10/2008 20:30

I posted on here about 5 weeks ago as I found texts on my DP's phone and her was been very distant with me. Anyway I threw him out. We've talked since then and to cut a long story short he has asked me to wait until January for him. WTF? He said he isn't ready to come back to me, he loves me and only wants me but he just needs more time. I want to say forget it and cut and run but part of me wonders if I should wait for him. BUT what if he doesn't come back and I'm heartbroken all over again in January. I've spoken to my mum who thinks I should get on with my life and see what happens, what will be will be sort of attitude but I just dont know what to do. Please give me your advice, but don't bash me as I'm feeling pretty low. xxx

OP posts:

scaryfucker · 18/10/2008 17:48

Daisy, how are you today ?

Original poster

Daisypops · 18/10/2008 21:18

Oh scary fucker, I feel shit tomight. I dont know if I've made the right decision. Theres all that 'what if' crap in my head. I was shopping today and the beautiful south song came on the radio in the shop. I nearly had to run in to a corner and cry it was horrendous. I'm so fucked off with it all. Its just crap and has been crap for 5 weeks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Daisypops · 18/10/2008 21:21

OP posts:

DivaSkyChick · 18/10/2008 21:53

He is stringing you along while he figures out if the new girl will takes his shit as well as you do.

You have to let him go. Toss him to the curb. Why on earth would you want someone who is not crazy about you? Do you value yourself so little?

I know, "you looooove him." Fuck him. Grow some self respect in his place. It will suck at first but you must fake it until you really feel it. Tell him that you're over his bullshit and you're moving on. Act like you believe it and eventually you will.

But for the love of god, stop wondering if you're making some mistake because the truth is, you are not in control at all. It's totally his game. The ONLY power you have is to refuse to play.

Later, if he plays all his cards right, you can change your mind. But not one day before you realize that you can live quite well without him.

scaryfucker · 18/10/2008 22:04

Daisy, I am sorry you are feeling like shit tonight.

I have to agree with divaskychick

You were feeling strong once. Then he came back with this new bollocks "wait for me until January".

Don't play. Don't even give his "request" the light of day. It is not fair. It is not proving he wants you above all else.

If you really want him, you have one chance here.

Tell him he comes back to you now or not at all. No hedging, no delays. He has had enough time to decide. Don't give him any more.

You sound lovely, but he will damage you if you let him.

Original poster

Daisypops · 18/10/2008 22:11

Thanks for your posts. I have good days and bad days. Infact how I feel changes by the hour. Feeling pretty low today as DD is unwell with her teeth and she fell out of bed last night and bashed her head on the wall so I'm feeling quite bad about that too. I'm mad that he has left me a single parent and I have to deal with DD on my own. That may sound weak but I'm just angry that he gets away with all the graft and is out having a good time.
Yes divaskychick my confidence is very low, I feel like shit but I expect it will start to come back now I dont have him dragging me down.
I worry about when he gets a new woman and how I'll feel, even though I KNOW shes not getting much!!!

OP posts:

scaryfucker · 18/10/2008 22:54

you are so right daisy

you are the one left picking up the pieces

do you think that would change if you waited for him?

I think you would lose further respect, from him and from yourself, if you were to do that

Please look after yourself and your dc

DivaSkyChick · 19/10/2008 14:48

It sucks to be a single mom - it's something you never planned on and it's not fair. NONE of this is fair. It's totally fucked and unfair.

But bumping her head is the least of that little girl's worries if you show her you're a doormat. Be strong. Be courageous! Show her what a woman with self respect looks like, now and for the rest of her life.

Take her to the library, get books about toxic men and crap relationships. Get ANGRY. Then shower all your love on that beautiful little girl and protect the both of you from the assholes of the world.

I really do with the best for you, Daisy. I'm sending you hugs and strength. When you feel weak, remember that you've only lost an illusion. Spit (metaphorically!) at the thought of him. What a waste of space!

solidgoldskullonastick · 19/10/2008 14:52

If you contact him, tell him that you'll be dating other men until January - he's either with you or you are free to date (and shag) anyone you like. YOu don't actually have to date anyone if you don't want to (and it might be better to spend some time on your own rather than replacing one knob with another) but it won't hurt to give him the impression that he's easily replaceable.

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