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Original poster

How honest?

17 replies

honestfriend · 15/10/2008 19:00

This is a tiny, tiny query compared tot he awful things that are posted but give me your views.

My best and oldest friend is often asking me- or rather telling me- that she doesn't look her age- and wanting e to agree with her. Well, the thing is, I do think she looks her age! She looks good for her age, but she does look her age in some ways- though she dresses youthfully and is in good shape. She doesn't look like a lot of typical 49 yr olds, but there are other 49 yr olds who look younger, iyswim.

How do you answer a friend when they keep saying "I don't look my age, do I?" and you think, well, yes you do really.
I tend to laugh it off and say she looks 65 or whatever, but I think it's odd she keeps asking and it puts me in a tricky position as I am not a very convincing fibber.Help!

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/10/2008 19:03

Ask her why she keeps asking. Next time she says it say "you ask that a lot, is there something bothering you?"

likessleep · 15/10/2008 19:05

I think you have to white lie with this one! Only because if she keeps asking, it may indicate she has a bit of an insecurity about it (maybe with the pending 50?).
I am not an advocate for lying, but for something like this, I think it helps all!

LouMacca · 15/10/2008 19:07

I wouldn't say anything. She's your best friend. Just tell her she looks great.

I think the fact that she is always asking you/telling you she doesn't look her age is probably because she thinks she does! Sounds like she has low self-esteem and just needs a boost.

peanutbutterkid · 15/10/2008 19:08

"You look great!" and leave it at that.

BlingLovin · 15/10/2008 19:10

"you certainly don't have the body of a 49 year old" - you did say she was in good shape?

Overmydeadbody · 15/10/2008 19:11

Honesty is not always the best policy.

She's your best friend, you have a duty to big her up and make her feel good about herself. Tell her she llooks fab and great before she even gets a chance to ask about the age thing.

krib · 15/10/2008 19:11

Sounds a bit sad at her age that she has to keep on asking you!

If you want to keep her friendship, you don't have to agree or disagree, just tell her she looks good

Original poster
honestfriend · 15/10/2008 19:16

Thanks- it is very hard when someone says "I don't look my age- DO I?" as if it is a forgone conclusion!

I'll keep on lying and trying to sound as if I mean it!

OP posts:
Tortington · 15/10/2008 19:18

i think vvqs suggestion is best - that way she might shut her gob a bit.

Kally · 15/10/2008 19:42

Having hit the 50's I can tell you it is the most daunting birthday. I hated it. I'm coming up for my 52nd now and altho I have never been a vain sort of a person, or one of those 'uptodate' dressers, it was like crossing some threshold into the land of the 'older' people. Luckily I have a really close lifelong friend who is 25 days younger than me, and she felt exactly the same. SO we were able to share this horrible experience.

It does play around on your mind, you catch glimses of yourself, you suddenly notice the doggy flaps at the side of your face (they were there when I was 48 and 49 (infact more so as I had gotten very thin in those years) or the eyelids... you start to scrutinise things. Luckily, usually for most, your eyesight also starts to fail a bit, so you can't see the wrinkles etc as well as you could say, 10 years ago (when they started to appear).

Still, lucky to say, I refuse to wear glasses when theres anyone special around (and I can still get the jist of whats written) and I haven't got to the stage where I have to carry around my senses in my handbag, that is, glasses, dentures and hearing aid. But aging is a mean process especially if you are young at heart. It feels almost as if an old friend is slipping out of reach.

Be kind, that is what friends are for, and anyway, I assume you are younger? we all get there in the end, one way or another.

Anyway, you are only young once, but you can be 'immature' for ever. Just give her the assurance she still looks great.

Original poster
honestfriend · 15/10/2008 20:11

no- I am 4 years older but everyone says i look much younger- but I would NEVER ask!

OP posts:
nooOOOoonki · 15/10/2008 20:31

most certainly a case for little white lie

akhems · 15/10/2008 20:49

I have a friend like this too and when she says she doesn't look her age I can truthfully say no she doesn't cos she looks a good 10-15 years older

Original poster
honestfriend · 15/10/2008 20:51

lol

OP posts:
elsiepiddock · 15/10/2008 20:59

What's the problem with fibbing to your friend? Don't we all do this to be kind?

She's obviously insecure about ageing and her looks. I'd just tell her what she wants to hear, where's the harm?

Original poster
honestfriend · 15/10/2008 22:54

no harm- i am just crap at lying! and she knows me too well.........

OP posts:
solidgoldskullonastick · 15/10/2008 23:01

Give her a smutty dig in the ribs and say 'You're as young as the young man you feel, let's go and chase toyboys' then change the subject.

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