If you have problems who do you talk to. I feel like I have no-one.

[MurderAtTheDiscoDizzy]

DH and I have been going through a bit of 'patch'. I wouldn't say it was great but not disastrous either. DH has said that he loves me so much and that this is the root of our problems. I have friends, some are close friends but they are relatively new friends and I don't like to burden them. My parents aren't good listeners, dad is too old and mum is too busy comparing my problems to hers to listen to what I have to say. So in times where you really wish you could talk to someone about how you're feeling and the unhappy thoughts you're having etc, who do you turn to?

You could always talk on here if you don't feel you have anyone in RL

Or get a counsellor/therapist

I have nobody in RL that I talk to about real problems, everyone is either too involved or not trusted iykwim.. mostly I just post on here

My mother is the same as yours by the sound of it

The problem with posting on here is that DH does know my nickname and password (which i've just changed). He also knows how to search for posts by me so he could see what i've written if he was of a mind to do so. I could namechange I suppose but I don't normally like to.

Not much use in your situ, but I always talk to dh about my problems. There's no one else I'm that close to tbh.

Do you have a mn friend that you could email/msn?

CD-no I don't. I think i'm either going to have to just hold it in or talk to someone professional. Where would I start, yellow pages?

You could ask your doctor for a recommendations

Or look at the BACP or UKCP websites

Or ask on here for a recommendation
where do you live?

In the back of beyond in Cumbria

you can email me if you like
Not that I might be any help much, but if you just want to talk

countessdrac at gmail dot com

cd is a good person to talk to

oi naily
on msn

The Samaritans are good: you don't have to be suicidal to call them. They are there to give a sympathetic ear to people who need one and though they don't give much actual advice (OK if you wanted to know, for example, where to go for help with drug addiction they might give you some contact details ie they will give factual info when asked) but it can be very helpful just to talk out loud about whatever is worrying you and figure out your own solution.

But something in your post worried me a little: if the problem is that your DH 'loves you too much' I suggest Women's Aid. I may be totally on the wrong track here and if so I apologise, but a partner who monitors all your communications, demands constand attention and won't leave you alone is a partner who is verging on abusive, never mind that he/she calls it'love'.

thats very kind of you CD. I may take you up on your offer though right at this moment is perhaps not the best time as struggling with clambering 3 yr old. Having aired the fact that I do have 'problems' has made me feel a little happier already.

Solid -he doesn't monitor my communications but we've always been so open and free and easy and we have access to each other's laptops if we want as we have nothing to hide. He does demand a lot of attention and isn't backward in coming forward when he feels his needs are more important than the DC's. He's easily upset if he feels i'm neglecting him (in more ways than 1, despite having a 3x per week sex life). He doesn't say anything unless I persue it, he's just quiet and looks miserable. I feel as though i'm making him unhappy as i've told him I can no longer offer him this extra 'thing' he seems to need, hence his thought that he loves me too much. He's decided he needs to chill out but I don't know if he can...... and now i've said far too much. He's a very private person and would be mortified if he read this and now I feel like i'm betraying him.

I am generally happy but when he gets into this frame of mind I struggle and just wished someone was there. Samaritans maybe a good thing.

you can always get the thread deleted

So he feels left out? Neglected?

How old are dcs

Doesn't feel left out or neglected in the grand scale of things, his kind of love is of the physical in the sack kind and he particularly struggles if i've had my period (sorry) which usually results in a 'conversation' about how he's feeling (which is usually down) and his discussion about how it feels like such a long time without sex even though its only a few days. This conversation usually really turns me off him and i've told him it has an adverse effect. Today we are the couple of days after the 'conversation'. I can't do this every 3-4 weeks though, its driving me mad. DC's are 3 and 5. On paper we have a good happy life with regular sex. I don't see why there has to be a problem.

Ahh I see
mismatched sex drives

Does he see penetrative sex as the only option? Could you explore other possibilities with him?

I would also question why he feels that you can only demonstrate your love for him through sex. I wonder if he is feeling left out in other areas and feels that this is the only area where he has a monopoly (ie no dcs involved)

Have you talked about how he feels in other areas?

Oh we talk at length about almost everything. He admits himself that he suffers from low self esteem and a lack of confidence, although to anyone outside of the home he is a successful man with a successful business. I see 3x per week as adequate and if it happened more or less it would depend on circumstance, but I think he would prefer it more like 5x per week. Not a massive mismatch I don't think.

Why does he have low self-esteem do you think?

I'm not sure, his dad left him when he was 5, he's never been close to his mother, she never seemed happy with anything he achieved. Perhaps its that. However i've been nothing but supportive to him for the 6 yrs we've been together. We talk a lot, if I think he's being unreasonable, i.e. with DC's i'll tell him and vice versa.

WEll it really sounds like he could use some counselling tbh

Would he consider it?

I have mentioned that he needs to talk to someone. I think i'll look into it for him and give him the option. In the meantime, your talk has helped me for which I thank you .

I'm glad it has helped
I think he would benefit hugely from it tbh
V good for self-esteem issues and those to do with parents...

take care

i think a lot of the time women dont think men would agree to counselling
sometimes they think its a good idea but they wait til someone else suggests it

Actually, if he won't go to counselling or see the GP then what he needs is a good kick in the ringpiece. Sorry but you are not under any obligated to let him have sex whenever he wants just because he has low self esteem and fwagile little feelings. He's actually being quite selfish and manipulative, as some unhappy people often are - please remember that his feelings are his problem, not yours and you are not responsible for his happiness.