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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp is annoyed with me.........Maybe he has a point? What can I do?

28 replies

LoveMyGirls · 15/10/2008 08:10

At weekends we take it in turns to have a lie in, I'm a very deep sleeper so when it's dp's turn to get up I get a decent lie in until 10am (unless we need to get ready and go out) when it's his turn for a lie in he has to wake me up because I'm such a deep sleeper then when I come down with dd's (admittidly not straight away usually because I try to encourage dd2 to have another 10 mins ) this fails and I get up but by this time dp is wide awake and it takes him ages to go back off, he's an extremely light sleeper so I do my best to keep dd's quiet which fails because they are quite loud (giggling, arguing, dd2 is just 3 and still having tantrums which inc screaming etc) eventually dp gets up and moans at me for not letting him have his lie in. Occasionally I get up and get dd's ready and take them out then he does get a good sleep but I can't do this every week.

I feel bad this is how it is, I know I can stop the trying to get dd to sleep a bit more (as it's pointless tbh) so I will try harder to get up straight away. What else can I do? I do try and keep dd's entertained so they don't argue/ tantrum/ be too loud but I can't keep them silent and he really is a ridiculously light sleeper.

I have suggested he ask pil to have dd's on saturday night this week so we can both catch up on some sleep as the past few weeks have been quite taxing on us both and I think we could both do with a break.

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 15/10/2008 08:12

I think that packing the girls off to your PILs is an excellent idea

throckenholt · 15/10/2008 08:13

rather than a lie in why not suggest an early night - then if sleep is the important bit he can sleep while it is quiet.

As you say - it is impossible to keep kids quiet when someone is sleeping and is easily woken up (I remember as a child being constantly told to keep quiet while dad was asleep after working nights).

MadameCastafiore · 15/10/2008 08:17

I used to do my shopping at Tesco 24 hour at 5am on a Saturday morning and then get DD breakfast there after - a good couple of hours can be sopent doing this - the shop is quiet - the staff are lovely and the shelves have all been newly stocked.

Now I can't be fecked - and just order on line - DS doesn't want me anyway he has me all week - he wants DADDY!

I do think you need to make a bit more of an effort - if the deal is that he gives you a lie in and in turn gets one himself you need to keep up your end of the bargain!

tigermoth · 15/10/2008 08:17

At weekends, can your dp have an afternoon nap,while you take your daughters out for a few hours? My dp is a light sleeper and this is the routine we fell into when our sons were little.

willthisdo · 15/10/2008 08:20

You could try some sort of white noise in his room? We have a fan in our room that I use for exactly this purpose

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 15/10/2008 08:23

He can't sleep in the day says it makes him feel more tired. Could give the white noise a try.
I'm not a morning person so going food shopping at silly o'clock would kill me i think lol plus we can't afford to shop at tesco, think Aldi open at 8 though so I could give it some thought.
We'll definitly be having an early night on saturday, we're both shattered, we're hardly ever in bed later than 10pm anyway.

OP posts:
MaryBS · 15/10/2008 08:27

I think the problem is neither of you is a morning person. I nearly always get up with the kids in the morning, because I'm a morning person. DH gets up with the kids in the night if they wake.

White noise doesn't work with me, I'm a light sleeper also. I like complete quiet. Maybe if he used earplugs?

MummyDoIt · 15/10/2008 08:27

Get him some earplugs. Not glamorous but they really do work.

rookiemater · 15/10/2008 08:31

Agree with MummyDoIt. Earplugs are fab. I tend to disagree with other posters, not your fault that he is a light sleeper and can imagine that with the 2 dds it would be hard to get them up, ready and out without making any noise at all.
PILs for Saturday night this week sounds like a fab plan, and if you are being extra nice you could let him have the lie in on Saturday morning as well.

ilove · 15/10/2008 08:34

Are you mu husband????? This is exactly how it is in our house and I really ressent it...I can keep them all quiet so why can't he etc. Drives me mad - sorry.

lilacclaire · 15/10/2008 09:10

My DP does this as well and it really pisses me off.
By the time I've shouted at him to get fecking up, im so pissed off that I can't get back to sleep. (see, im annoyed just thinking about it).
Why don't you just get up and take your turn, its not that hard!

littlelapin · 15/10/2008 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FourArms · 15/10/2008 09:35

DH is the terrible one for this - he takes ages to get up, and then the kids are really really noisy when he's downstairs (lounge directly under bedroom doesn't help). Would suggest he uses earplugs, you get up ASAP when the kids wake up, perhaps he sleeps in a different room (our spare room is over the kitchen so might be better?), puts the TV on???

On the days that I get up, he'd stay in bed until midday given the chance. However, he's now been away for 7 weeks, and we've still got a while to go (Navy), so I haven't had ANY lie-ins in that time.

Kally · 15/10/2008 09:42

My Mum always used to say an hour before is worth two after...

Funny but my kids are grown up now, I had two close together and lived in Canada where its a major 'thing' to get up and go out in Winter months...(to make the house quiet) and we lived in a flat.

Your plight brought those days back to me and that tired, trying to be quiet thing, came rushing back. Ugh...

Thing is, a few years down the line, if its any compensation. you forget all about this 'phase'. It's a short phase, really, and for what it's worth you don't even give it brain space once they grow (until you read something like this).

It passes.

TheHedgeWitch · 15/10/2008 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 15/10/2008 10:21

second (well, twelfth or something) advice about ear plugs. not your fault he's a light sleeper but can see why he'd be cross given you try and fail to persuade them to stay in bed when it's his turn.

PinkTulips · 15/10/2008 10:48

you are my dp and your dp is me.

exactly the same situation except it takes my dp even longer than you to get up..... if the kids come in at 7am it's me dealing with them til he can be arsed getting up and then i'm wide awake and every shout and scream from downstairs jolts me back awake, not only do i not get a decent lie in, i often feel worse after it... all headachy and mugggy from the constant dozing off and being woken up.

i try closing the doors and snuggling down but i still wake alot.... i just wish to god he'd go utside with them or pop to the shops or something to give me my hour of peace, it's the only time all week that i get to myself and it's usually spent listening to him and them shouting and screaming and dd sneaking upstairs to come into me.

BEAUTlFUL · 15/10/2008 12:20

I've given up on lie-ins, i usually feel worse afterwards so i just get up now, all the time. DH does offer but I found it wasn't worth it.

If i were you, i'd pack a going-out bag the night before and get all the clothes ready, then dress myself & the kids, grab the bag and head out. Do you find that once you ARE out you feel better? That early sunshine creeping through the clouds, the empty roads, the shell-shocked kids, etc?

Take them to the shops (our local town centre is horrific on a Saturday, but fine at 8am to get parking space, etc - I used to take DS1 out for breakfast and to watch the glass lift go up & down in the shopping centre! Yes, i know, how exciting), or to a river, a playground...

you'll feel SO smug and ORGANISED, it'll be fab.

CarGirl · 15/10/2008 12:26

We are the reverse and generally neither of us have lie ins which does solve the problem. What upsets me the most is when dh doesn't TRY, so the not getting up straight away would pee me off big time. If you get up straight away, have the TV on very quietly straight away and feed them toast on the sofa you should get a quiet hour.

Certainly if I've been properly woken up that I really can't back to sleep but if dh slopes straight off then 99% of the time I can.

Dropdeadfred · 15/10/2008 12:34

why not just scrap the idea and both get up together both days?

swottybetty · 15/10/2008 12:35

OP i am you. it takes me aaaggges to wake in the morning and poor dh does the early shift 7 days a week. the flip side is that i'm the one up in the middle of the night.

FWIW - i do think it may be worth trying your best for the first ten minutes. if you're anything like me getting up at any time is difficult anyway! beautiful's suggestions seems like good sense

mumblechum · 15/10/2008 12:37

I think Beautiful's idea is good. Take them out & then he can properly sleep without waiting for the next noise.

hatwoman · 15/10/2008 12:41

if you can;t keep them quiet then take them out. Maybe you can't do it all the time but you could do it most of the time. It doesn;t need to be anything big. just a walk to the park. get clothes ready and even downstairs the night before then you can slope out really quickly and quietly

hatwoman · 15/10/2008 12:42

I see beautiful said the same thing

BEAUTlFUL · 15/10/2008 12:52

I'll meet you in the park on saturday morning at dawn, both of us all swottily organised and all smug!