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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

is my husabnd gay

34 replies

wishingmummy · 14/10/2008 00:00

my husband wont make love anymore, he says its because i'm slimey!
then he said he didnt mean it, that he was tired and drunk
but i can't get past it

OP posts:

Original poster

wishingmummy · 14/10/2008 00:55

didn't use to have problems with my self esteem! iv'e always been fine on the rumpy pumpy front. now i just feel ashamed-like people can see i'm slimey, that i'm unwanted.
i just feel so rejected, and i wish he wouuld be honest about it, and we could split up, or try and solve it together, or talk, or something, but he's said his piece, and i think he thinks that we ahave to just get on with this wierd living arrangement- i can't spend the rest of my life like this!

OP posts:

honestfriend · 14/10/2008 08:37

Counselling?

If he is gay, surely he wouldn't be looking at straight hetero porn?

Hate to say this- but you aren't a troll are you?

Kally · 14/10/2008 09:28

Reading thru this - was thinking the same about 'troll'. OP is not saying why she thinks he's gay. (Apart from firemans suit, which would turn most guys on he he he)...

But just incase you are not a troll, my friend was married to a gay guy. She didn't know at the time, but in retrospect she said she missed loads of telltale things, and she had two children with him (altho thru IVF). She thought he had a lover (female) but turns out it was a male lover... very sad story and I wouldn't wish that on anyone...

By the way I had a lover who said I was too wet, but so ok, we dealt with that and he had a small towel???? No biggie, he took it as a compliment as to how turned on I was and I understood after 3 kids perhaps it made things less frictional, but I wasn't offended, he didn't say anything nasty about it, the opposite.

He sounds a bit immature. Perhaps he's got problems? Sounds a bit suspicious to me.

solidgoldskullonastick · 14/10/2008 09:29

I can't see that anything you've said suggests your husband is gay or even the slightest bit confused about his sexual orientation. However it does sound like there are major problems in your relationship.
I'm a but unsure of the timings here: if he made his hurtful remark when you were PG then it's possible that this was to do with the pregnancy - for one thing, the amount of lubrication etc can change during pregnancy and this may have come as a surprise to him. It was a crass thing to say, certainly, but if he apologised it might be time to move on.
You really do need to talk to him: tel him that you are unhappy and ask if he is unhappy and if so what things he would like to change.

findtheriver · 14/10/2008 09:53

I agree with solidgold - I'm confused about where you have the gay idea from. Sure, it sounds like there's a lot wrong with your relationship but it doesn't necessarily follow that he's gay. You need to talk to eachother and try to rekindle the spark that got you together.

In terms of sexual orientation, yes, it would be a pressure on your relationship if your dh is hiding stuff from you, but again, that's not to do with sexual orientation in itself. I have a friend with a husband who is a bit bi and a lot of their other friends are jealous because they have a lovely close relationship, super kids and he's f!ing gorgeous to boot! Conversely, friends I have who are currently going through a horrid divorce are both very definitely straight - but it's a rubbish relationship.

I think you need to take a step back and not jump to conclusions. Talk to him and try to get the the heart of what's going on.

LostHorizon · 14/10/2008 10:18

Troll likelihood: 6.5/10.

Girly juice changes throughout the month. Ovulation thickens the consistency for a few days. I'd say this made it oily rather than slimey, which seems intentionally slighting.

Semen is also slimey for that matter. Or it was the last time I checked, which was...a long time ago.

Sorry, not helpful. I'm just baffled at why it's a problem for him. Most blokes are flattered. "The wetter the better" innit?

You are definitely not slimey.

Juliette108 · 14/10/2008 12:06

I just thought OP was pissed.

anyfucker · 14/10/2008 16:33

girly juice

yes, vaginal secretions do change throught out a monthly cycle and also when you are pg

op, did your dh make the "slimey" comment when you were pg? or midcycle ?

ovulatory girly juice is well-described as like "eggwhite" and can be stretched between the fingers

I too suspect a troll, but in case not, I hope this makes you feel that you are entirely normal

Dropdeadfred · 14/10/2008 16:38

have you told him you want to separate?

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