I am being over sensitive? Really need opnions.

[greeneyedgirl]

Hi, this will probably sound ridiculous, but for some reason it has really upset me.

I am separated from my husband and have been with my current partner for around 10 months or so. He is a really nice guy and is a breath of fresh air after a few disasters I have had recently, especially as he has stuck with me since I developed anxiety issues in the summer.

To my point, he used to be very complimentary and was really good at reassuring me about stuff and generally being very supportive (although I am extremely supportive to him too). Anyway, now the compliments have dried up, not a biggie, but I realise that since i have been ill I am not as confident in my looks, have lost alot of weight and feel old, he knows this. Anyway, the other night, he was really looking at me and I laughed and told him to stop cos I looked old, and he said "well you are in your 30s". Great I thought "so I look old then?" I ask foolishly and again, he says something about that's the way life is. Then compounds this by saying that he has noticed the grey in my hair (yes i know it needs dying).

I know it's not much, but it comes along with other things, which basically add up to a general air of "can't-be-arsed". I suppose I notice these things because I am very senisitive to other people's feelings and would never make remarks like that to anyone. So is it jut me, do I have to accept that this is just a general bloke thing? Or could there more to it? When it goes from "you're beautiful", to "yes I did notice your grey", is there any hope?

I suppose it doesn't help that my self confidence is zero as my anxiety is holding me back from doing some things at the mo. I keep thinking that I wouldn't blame him if he ditched me and went for someone who is prettier and far more fun than I can be.

if you rely on someone else for your self esteme and onfidene it has to be like your sucking the life out of them on a daily basis

yes you look good
yes you look nice
sure you can talk to those people
of course you can do it right
you are pretty
you are capable

i couldnt do it oer a long period of time...could you?

if your looking worn and haggared - do something about it.

subconciously we all test the boundaries of out relationships = - even with friends or collegues - we push push push

some people get drunk or take drugs

but your pushing seems very passive aggressive

dya love me
dya love me

dya love me

even though i look ol
and worn
and grey
and wrinkly
and haggared
dya love me
dya love me
dya love me

?

you need to stop validating yourself by everyone else.

do something with yourself today

Not an expert on relationships but presumably he is with you because he wants to be and is not bothered by the odd grey hair.
Men are just not that good at compliments, maybe they just try extra hard at the beginning of a relationship and perhaps the more settled the relationship is they feel they don't need to anymore as you are supposed to know how they feel? just my view. Get a haircut, buy some new make up and boost your confidence. x

Custardo I agree with alot of of what you say, I know that I shouldn't need my self esteem boosted by others, but being a frail minded human, sometimes it happens.

Just for the record I never ask ask if he loves me (would NEVER be that annoying and clingy), I tell him more than he tells me and I am used to that. And no, I don't need to be told all day every day how good I look, etc etc, I am not quite that pathetic. As for the passive agressive, my problem is that I don't have any agression at all I am told by everyone that I am far too passive and that is a flaw. I hate upsetting people and I try very hard not to.

I guess that judging from your post I sound like a whinger who needs to get a life, I think I get the message.

MOS, I have just had my hair cut and I wear make up as often I as I have time, although luckily I have good skin and can get away with the barefaced look if I have to lol. So I feel a little better about the way I look.

Actually feel a bit of a prat posting this at all now. Thanks for the replies x.

Glad you are feeling better x

its men and women too though - men dont care if they have a grey hair, put on a bit of weight half as much as we do

maybe you need a bit of positive thinking - find a lovely photo of yourself and write on it all the good stuff about you - slim, smiling, pretty green eyes etc and focus on those, and dont put ideas in to his head!! if you dont point out the grey hair or whatever, he may be too busy looking at your tits to notice

GEG, it's like you've been seeking reassurance. Reassure yourself. You're probably gorgeous!