So am I in a relationship or not?

[ConstanceWearing]

Dp always seemed to get a bit distant when I had a drink. I am very sociable, but not flirty. I just like looking inside people's heads, and I mostly speak to women because I feel more comfortable with them.

Last month on holiday he took a million pictures and videos of me whilst drunk. His tone on the videos was very sneering. He dumped me on holiday because we had a disagreement about how voluble I am when I am drunk, even though I am not offensive or rude. Just loud.

At a party last week, I said something to a couple which caused a row between them. It was purely unintentional, and the cause of the row was because the man misunderstood me, not because I had said something wrong.

DP said I have a really nasty streak when I'm drunk. I do not. At all. I am loud and very silly with my girlfriends when drunk, but I would never hurt anyone's feelings on purpose, ever. Drunk or sober.

I cried because I really couldn't believe he would say that about me when he KNOWS it's not true. Trying to defend myself, he lost his temper and told me to get out of his house, simply because I wouldn't agree with his pov. I stomped home and refused to get in his car. We split up.

Anyway, afterwards, he was texting me and saying he knew I was lovely and I didn't have a nasty streak at all. But he is sick of me never having any free time, and always having to consider him last because I have 6 kids to consider first. Then he said I really didn't deserve someone as nasty as him and at least if we split up he wouldn't be making me unhappy anymore.

Is it just me, or does anyone else hear alarm bells? He is still calling and texting me every day, and doesn't seem to want to split up at all. I am entirely confused, because he doesn't ask to get back together either. He just says "why would you want to be with someone like me?"

I don't know where to go from here at all, so would appreciate your help please, ladies.

Well I must admit I run a mile from people who want to 'get inside my head' within minutes of meeting me - but I still think that your DP souns a bit controlling. And it's never a good idea to change your personality to keep a partner: being yourself is far more important than being in a relationship.

That's what I think, in all honesty, solidgold. I'm not that crap a person that I need to change so very much. I will stop trying to get inside people's heads though, as it is generally frowned upon by MNers

I'm sorry but... I think he is gone already, and the texts are just to make you feel better (stupid men, they never understand they have the oposite effect). Now about the drinking problem... have you realised you can have fun without getting drunk.

I think there's a time in life when is cool to get drunk (perhaps around your teens when is still forbidden) but when old, sorry to be blunt, but it's just ridiculous. Nobody enjoys having a drunk around.

Also, may I say, he said it wasn't fair that I walk around without make-up on all the time. (Please bear in mind I have SIX children and am a lone parent doing a degree).

I said that I am always made up when we go out for the night, but I would have thought he could stand the sight of my face au naturel. He said then I ought never to wear make up when I am on the pull, in which case, as it is false advertising! Cheek.

Coming late to this thread, but I have to say, If I was on a night out, if a drunken woman started chatting and being intense and "trying to get into my head" and "know" me, I would wonder whether she wanted to get in my pants of if she was a little too erm cordial.

Do you not get out with people unless you go out drinking? Why try to make connections with strangers when drunk? It seems a little intense. I would run a mile if I met you on a night out.

In fact I have met you, in the loos, trying to chat meaningfully over papertowels, I think, by the bar, etc, and I always find such intense meaningful chats with strangers a little unnerving. Banter yes, fine, I am up for that, but not meaningful redwine induced conversation.

I am sure you are lovely. But I agree your dp probably finds you a lot lovelier sober.

Ummm, agree with dittany about that knob thingy...

Oh, no. I don't do the philosophy thing Quint. Just have a bit of a chat to people I don't know. It's necessary. I make myself sit amongst all races and creeds I don't know on the tube, even though it is midnight and I am scared. People should interact. And yes I do do all this when I am sober. I don't have to be drunk at all, neither do I have a drinking problem. Honestly.

Good, I imagined the worst, the drunk philosopher..

Hang on a minute, hasn't the guy already dumped you? Coz that's how it seemed in your OP.

I would say, as far as he is concerned, the relationship is over but he is keeping contact with you as he's too chicken to properly break up and is probably hoping to still be able to shag you for a while.

Omg, that is the worst. I'm just trying to be friendly - not change the world!! Actually, do you know what, I'm going to sit here and wonder how I would feel if randomers talked to me. Get a taste of my own medicine a while!

Well, I've just texted him and said that I think I have been a little bit dense by not letting him go from a relationship he probably doesn't want to be in anymore (I kept asking him if we were still together, before).

I really appreciate all your replies, and think this is probably for the best. Don't think we are a very good match, tbh.

I also promise to avoid all MN parties and get-togethers

Yeah, it was a bit Dittany. But I was going to the Afrika Afrika circus in London, and there was a lot of black youths on the train. And I thought it was farking hypocritical, going to see Afrika Afrika,if I was afraid to sit next to these kids on the tube. So I did, and they talked as much nonsense as my own kids and made me smile (at which point they pointed and said "see even she agrees"). It wasn't much interacting but enough to make me not feel like a hypocrite.

Credit to you Constance, as you have had a some criticism on your thread, and you have taken it all in very good spirit, I dont see that often here. Not sounding patronising (I hope) but you do sound like fun company. If he cant have fun with you, then what fun is there in a relationship?

Thank you Quint. I appreciate that. Off to bed. See you good ladies tomorrow, and I thank you all for your help.