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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I a crap friend?

13 replies

SinCity · 07/10/2008 20:46

I have started to ignore my friends calls and avoid her because she bores me to death

Basically she goes on and on and on about the most boring, stupid things. Like she suddenly got obsessed with ebay and would detail everything she sold to me, how much it went for, what she was selling next, what the buyers were like, what fee's she'd been charged, how much she'd made altogether, how long she'd had to wait for money etc etc etc but this was EVERY time I saw her for about 3 weeks. I have been selling on ebay myself for months, its really not a huge deal, is it?

The latest one is a row that has happened between her DH's family. Now I do not know these people yet she insists on telling me every detail of who has said what, who is at fault, who isn't supposed to know this and who else knows that...I really couldn't give a shit. Its matterless to me but to her its a HUGE story, like she finds it all so exciting and can't settle until she knows what is happening... I saw her yesterday and she rushed past me saying "sorry, I can't stop... I need to catch up with Helen to find out if Sarah has mentioned anything...I still don't know what's going on, its doing my head in! see you later, I'll let you know if I find anything out!" why??

So today the phone rang and I ignored it. I knew it was her and I knew she would only want to tell me the latest developments of this stupid ffing argument. So I got to school to pick the kids up and she came rushing up to me and immediately went into how she's found out that so and so said this, and now so and is angry at x and z is upset by ..... etc etc... I litrally just switched off in the end, nodding in the right places etc.

So am I a crap friend? do friends really listen to this kind of shit off each other? Surely people have more important things on their mind than this drivel?

OP posts:

beansmum · 07/10/2008 20:48

I'm not sure if you're a friend at all if everything she says bores you.

thirtysomething · 07/10/2008 20:49

you are not a crap friend you just don't sound like you want to be friends with this person and she sounds a bit selfish really in that it doesn't sound as if she has much interest in you. I think I would slowly distance myself if I were you rather than a sudden bout of ignoring her and maybe she'll get the message

Habbibu · 07/10/2008 20:49

Depends if you like her for other reasons. Is she kind? Is she thoughtful and helpful? Is she there for you at bad times? Is she funny? If you like her, then you pretty much have to take the bad with the good. Doesn't mean you have to answer every phone call.

MeMySonAndI · 07/10/2008 20:49

Well, perhaps she only thought you cared... how about asking her to not worry about that and change the topic.

Lilyloo · 07/10/2008 20:53

well if you say 'she bores you to death' then she obv isn't your friend.
Maybe a bit more of a gentle way to let her know would be kinder.
She obviously thinks you will be interested.
How long have you been friends ?

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe · 07/10/2008 20:53

what do you want to talk about with her, can she be distracted?

Original poster

SinCity · 07/10/2008 20:55

about 3 years.

She is totally not interested in anything I do, if I mention anything to do with myself she gives a quick 'appropriate response' and then changes to subject.

She is nice in other ways but in other things she has some bloody odd ways and I just get wound up by them. Like eating left over crust from her DS's packed lunch box after school. Its just little things that wind me up.

OP posts:

UnfortunatelyMurderedMe · 07/10/2008 20:57

ok, time for a new friend I think.

justaboutstealswinegums · 07/10/2008 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

compo · 07/10/2008 20:59

I have friends like this
They just want to talk about themselves
tbh I don't mind as I don't always have anything interesting I want to tell them!

Original poster

SinCity · 07/10/2008 21:01

its not just the crust, that makes it sound petty.

I don't want to go into too much detail but she really is self centered most of the time and it drives me nuts. I don't instigate contact but I find it hard to avoid.

OP posts:

justaboutstealswinegums · 07/10/2008 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumof2fabkids · 07/10/2008 21:18

Deffo find a new friend and she will too. You are so not suited to be friends, look how much she is winding you up and how much valuable time you spend letting her annoy you. I'm at the age now where I choose my friends very carefully as I think lifes far too short to waste on people like that ("self-centred" etc). Be nice about it but make sure she gets the right message as you might find it's you she's going into detail about as she seems to have loads of time on her hands to gossip and obsess about other peoples lives.

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