Grumpy grandfather

[rookiemater]

I'm an only child and DS aged 2.5 is the only grandchild. My parents live about an hour away and have always been a tremendous support to us, with my Mum looking after DS about 1 day a month to support working arrangements and also having him overnight on a few occasions.

Now I have always known that my father does none of the actual work of looking after DS, but then thats fair enough. He is 75, and I do understand that the world doesn't resolve around my DS. My mum is 70 and is absolutely delighted to look after DS and spoils him rotten. As she worked when I was a child she appreciates that it can be hard and goes out of her way to do things for us to make life easier, like bringing meals when she comes and doing some of the gardening. In short she is a national treasure.

However at the weekend when we saw them my father seemed to be on particularly fine form with his comments. DS is a normal 2.5 year old, quite active, has the odd tantrum, but generally ok for his age. My Dad was getting really stressed about DS playing with his toys, and complaining about the mess. If DS made the slightest bit of noise, Dad started talking about the terrible 2s. When we left, my mum said " Its like looking after two 2 year olds and I know which one I prefer ( meaning DS)"

Now I understand totally that he is an elderly gentleman and their needs and those of a 2.5 yr old are not compatible. But I just need to figure out how to grit my teeth when he makes remarks about DS. My parents were always perfectionists and pushed me to do well, although my father never actually helped me with homework etc, that was my Mums job even though she worked practically full time and did every scrap of housework as well.

Sorry I'm banging on and on, but I need coping strategies. We can't see them less as it would break my Mums heart, and probably my Dads too. I know that he means well and would be sad if he knew I was upset about what he says. I think a lot of residual feelings about my childhood are cropping up as well. I just need to get past this and not sure how.

Oh my god - I think your dad and my dad went to school together.

My parents are the same age - my dad is 75, my mother 70 and I am pregnant with #3 due in less than a week - I also have a 3yr old and an 18mth old.

My mother is FANTASTIC, brings food over, watches the boys while I nap, helps me with feeding them dinner and giving them a bath - the list is endless and I could go on on how great she is. My mother was also the primary carer when I was growing up (I am the youngest of 3)and it was her job that supported us and kept a roof over our heads - my father was and has been pretty useless my whole life.

The one thing my dad has to do is drive my mum here and pick her up and you would think I was asking for a pound of flesh.

I am actually quite brutal with my dad - I treat him as if he is a child and will not tolerate a lot of his tantrums (and yes my mother feels like she raised 4 kids not 3). There are times when I get guilt riden and feel bad about i as he is old and he is my father at the end of the day, but then I think of how he failed me and my siblings as a father and he has done nothing to be a good grandfather. My children are his only grandchildren. My sons are actually quite scared of him as he makes no effort to interact with them or engage in their activities - when they are at my parents he reluctantly turns the TV to the disney channel and leaves the room.

ha, can i join in??
My fil refuses to have any part of his only gc life when there is football, golf, tennis, rugby, athletics etc on the tv.

My dh paid for them to have pizza and take ds to the cinema one sat, but fil wouldnt go because footy was on telly, he refused to drop them off at the cinema in case he missed any of the match.
my bil dropped them off instead.

fil stuffed his face with the pizza that he wanted, didnt ask what any one else wanted, then did that.

my tongue is almost completely bitten through ive had to bite it that amny tiems.

grr, grumpy old men indeed!

Do you want my Dad he is 80, and as much as I love him is a complete nightmare when DGd (13) is about, its either she is to loud, or to sullen or, or, or FFS she is a teenager! she is suppose to be.

You would think after having 5 children, 9 grandchildren (the eldest who is 30 year old DS, who Dad was the father figure too) and 2 Great Grandchildren, he would be used to kids by now!

I don't think my dad is quite as bad as yours ScarletTiger or confused or Deanychips FIL. Thats the sad thing, he wants to be a good grandad, but I'm not sure he really knows how or is prepared to put in the effort.

It has really come to a head in my mind now because when DS was a baby there weren't any milestones to meet. DS then crawled and walked fairly early so Dad was able to boast about that. However DS is not a great talker although well within bounds of normality and isn't showing much interest in potty training yet. My Dad seems to keep trying to push me to do this, probably so he can boast about his advanced grandson. For some reason it really winds me up that he can't just accept DS as he is, just an average happy 2 year old.