I have a close and (too) honest relationship with my immediate family members.
I think that this is why I am struggling with in law relationships (only been married 18 months, DD is 8 months old now)
Right, here goes ...
Sister in law is a year or so older than me but lives a younger life style. Her boyfriend and job are on and off and she doesn't have kids !
I have no idea whether she even wants kids, I don't think that she does.
Until DD came along none of this was any of my business. In fact, I do like my sister in law.
Right, so DD is here and SIL (rightly) wants to be involved. Every week I contact her as to if and when she will be available to come over (she lives 15 mins away).
What happens each time is that there is no response and then I will get a call one day and she will ask to come round there and then. Often I can't be available because I like to have plans (am off work at the mo). She always seems put out by this, as though i should make the time free for her? She has never said this, so maybe I am being paranoid
Now heres the thing, with MY family I would have a word and say that this last minute business doesn't really work and that I need some notification (unless i don't have plans, but thats hardly ever) but with SIL I end up APOLOGISING (!) that I have plans and then feel bad. I just dont know how to handle it as she can be rather sensitive, and I am too - I dont want to cause a problem.
DH does not want to be involved. he says that he hardly knows her and that I should accept shes unrealiable, not worry about her and just do my own stuff.
She is notoriously unrealiable and unorganised so I don't think she means anything by never planning anything. its just I cant live my life like that and this way she hardly ever gets to see our DD , which she often mentions, arggghhh!