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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sometimes I feel I dont exist as a person anymore when I'm with dd- parents especially mother treat me like I'm not there... Common?

6 replies

MrsDW · 05/10/2008 20:22

My parents love dd to bits, which is great, and I'm really glad they do. However, when dd and I are together its literally like I dont exist. They focus all their attention on her, and dont even bother listening to me talk let alone reply. My mother constantly tells dd how much she loves her, wants to see her, which amazes me as she never once said this to me when I was a child let alone as an adult. It all started after I gave birth, I had a traumatic birth and was in the high dependency unit for a week because I was so ill. My mother visited and became transfixed with dd but seemed disinterested in me or the fact I'd almost dies from blood loss (raised this with her recently and she said of course she cared, and I'm sure she did but didnt feel like she did).

Today was another classic example, at parents house with dd and everything focused on dd while I was left sort of just sitting there.

Maybe I am being pathetic and its normal and natural that dd should get masses of attention, as she is little, but it would be nice to feel that I mattered rather than just being dd's mother!

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 05/10/2008 20:26

You are not being pathetic.
What age is dd? I'm guessing she's still a baby because I felt like that until fairly recently and ds is 2 now. Not sure if I've got used to it or if things have changed.
It can feel a bit like you are being ignored, but try to use the time when she is absorbed with dd to just chill and have some quiet time to yourself, even if you are still there.
Could you tell her how you feel?

MrsDW · 05/10/2008 20:57

dd is 3 and its been the same since she was a baby. I have said a couple of things to her, recently she made a comment about my dd being her favourite girl, and I reminded her that I am infact her daughter and should also be important to her. Think she felt a bit guilty!

OP posts:
lilymolly · 05/10/2008 20:59

Oh my same here too

when evey we arrive at their home its loads of attention on dd and not really much on me

I think the way I feel is tied up with other issues but it still upsets me.

MurderousMarla · 05/10/2008 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDW · 05/10/2008 21:33

Its so depressing isnt it? I want to be important to my mum and yet I really truly believe she cares more about dd. I have tried in the past to talk about problems e.g.issues with my dh, worries about money and more recently problems I'm having with a new job and yet shes just not interested! I suppose there is nothing we can do about it really.

OP posts:
MurderousMarla · 06/10/2008 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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