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Relationships

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Original poster

Resenting my DH

16 replies

Starshiptrooper · 03/10/2008 07:04

I have a five month old baby who is bf and won't take a bottle. My DH is good in lots of ways, he does housework and the washing etc and I love him. However, I've been struggling recently - diagnosed with pnd and then with under active thyroid. I haven't been out without the baby for 5 months. I was supposed to be going out tonight just for a couple of hours but the last three nights the baby has been not been going to sleep til 8.30 waking up erratically at 10 or 11pm and wanting fed. I said to him I don't think I can go and he just went 'right, that means I can go out then'. He's been out for a drink every Friday night like usual for the last few weeks. I just feel that his life has barely changed and mine doesn't exist beyond my little girl. I don't want this to poison our relationship (not that we have much of a relationship at the moment in any case). Has anyone else been through this?

OP posts:

mumoverseas · 03/10/2008 08:00

poor you. I know you say that baby won't take a bottle, but for your own sanity you really need to try to get baby to take one. There are various types of teats available and you should be able to find one similar to the shape of your nipple. My DD who is now 2 was bf but we did give her a few bottles (mainly to top her up as she wasn't putting on weight). Have you tried expressing? If not, try some formula and keep at it. We tried sma which our DD took eventually. It won't be easy but at least you will be able to go out, even if just for an hour or so, and will be reassured in the knowledge that baby will be fed.
To be honest you didn't help yourself by giving your DH the out he needed by saying you didn't think you could go. You need to go out, even if just for a walk around the block! I hope you manage to get your little one to take a bottle so you can have a little bit of 'you time'. Good luck x

tinto · 03/10/2008 08:09

I totally understand and I agree with mumoverseas, getting the baby to take a bottle will help tremendously. I had some issues with my DD2 as well (5 months too) and eventually she took it when someone else (not me) offered it to her - when I wasn't around. She associated me with breast and rejected the bottle from me. It helped so much that I could pass her to someone else to feed once in a while.

mumoverseas · 03/10/2008 08:12

great minds think alike tinto!
I made a rod for my own back with DD as left it rather late to try the bottles. I'm 19 weeks pregnant now and although I will bf this one it is going to have a bottle (of expressed milk if possible) from day 1!

teenspirit · 03/10/2008 08:18

This is normal life with children unless your man is the exception - I think most people experience this in some way or other so don't feel alone.
My two have never taken a bottle and I haven't been out since Sept last year (horrible ms followed by bf baby) so I know how you feel {hugs}
At 5 months I wouldn't bother with bottles go straight for the Tommy Tippee cup and express milk. I start with the cup as I'm weaning with a little milk - don't get stressed if dd doesn't take to it straight away she will and before you know it you'll be out whenever you want - however I'm suprised you got any energy I know I haven't
Don't worry about relationship either you'll be fine sounds like dh pulls his weight but don't forget to communicate your feelings he isn't a mind reader and if you need more support he needs to know.

teenspirit · 03/10/2008 08:20

Milk - i mean expressed breast milk!

tinto · 03/10/2008 08:23

Oh - teenspirit just reminded me that it was the Tommy Tipee teets that did it for my DD2. They seem to be shaped a bit more like real nipples. Or try the cups like teenspirit suggests. Good luck! (with your DH too - yes, I get that frustration!!)

Tortington · 03/10/2008 08:27

i dont really see beyond lack of empathy with your situation from dh, why if you are not going out - he should stay in

whaddya want a misery fest?

if your tired and miserable, a good night out is what you need

make the effort.

the day may come along where after not being fucked to go out for months your friends leave youout and then you are lonely and your dh still goes out

friendships need to be worked on and cultured just like any other relationship

go out

keep your friends
try and have a good night

and dont expect your dh to enter into a pissing competition over how miserable your lives are - beuase you will will - as he is cultering his social side

GrabShellDude · 03/10/2008 08:57

Has your thyroid medication been sorting out or are they still trying to get the dosage right?

Five month old babies are tiring to look after anyway and if you have underactive thyroid, well I'm not surprised you have no energy and feel down. It's horrible.

Does DH understand what an underactive thyroid does to you? I think he needs to be somewhat more understanding and supportive.

missingtheaction · 03/10/2008 09:09

trick is to make sure this phase (which it is, a very common but totally draining phase) doesn't last 20 years.

with both of mine i had to go cold turkey on the bf - bottle switch. Neither would hack the bottle if they knew titty was around, but once they got the hang of bottle I was completely rejected .

Original poster

Starshiptrooper · 03/10/2008 14:23

Thanks for helpful, sympathetic replies - I'm feeling better as the day wears on and less sorry for myself. Think I may try the sippee cup as we'll be starting weaning quite soon anyway, so it makes sense. Once she is a bit weaned, I'll be able to go out and know she won't starve. Missingtheaction - I think the fact of it lasting 20 years is what has been worrying me! GrabShelldude - I was only diagnosed last week so we haven't got as far as meds yet. I'm actually just glad I know what it is now. I told DH how I was feeling after I posted. There isn't a lot he can do about it really, but he was sympathetic, which was all I was wanting. I also phoned my friend and we are taking our babies to the pub for a glass of wine this afternoon!

OP posts:

savetheplanetdontiron · 03/10/2008 14:34

I think someone with PND needs a bit more help than a good night out tbh .

Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature worked for our DD2 but it took about a month. You need to be out of the house and he needs to cope. Babies can smell mama's milk from 20 metres!! Obviously you need to make your own decision about how you carry on feeding your baby but you may like to bear in mind that the hormone drop associated with weaning from breast to bottle can make you feel worse. Plus, and I do know from experience, bottles are more work in the long run than boob.

Good luck - do you have a sympathetic GP. Are there any PND support groups in your area. You are not having a pityfest. You are ill but you will get better

Original poster

Starshiptrooper · 03/10/2008 19:16

Yes, thank you savetheplanetdontiron- my GP has been lovely and am referred to a local project and going there this week. Hopefully the thyroid thing will get sorted as well as this is obviously at the route of some of it. I didn't take the misery fest thing to heart - am actually quite a positive person ususally

OP posts:

ActingNormal · 03/10/2008 19:24

Re teats - my DD wouldn't bottle feed until we found some quite soft and squashy teats. My DS wouldn't bottle feed until we found some 'short' teats, the others seemed to choke him. DD would drink cold milk. DS wouldn't drink it unless it was warm, then we gradually trained him to like it cold just because it was easier on trips out to take a bottle of water and some milk powder in one of those dispensers where you can measure the amount you want into sections.

Could a friend come round and sit with you if DH is going out?

countingto10 · 03/10/2008 19:28

I bf all 4 of my DC for a year at least for all of them. They were all reluctant to take bottles but I worked on the theory that they were going to starve to death in the couple of hours that I was going to be out. If they were hungry enough they would take a bottle or would drink juice/water.

I went out all day once when my last DS was about 4/5 months old. Left my mum and sister with formula but he still only had about 4 ozs all day - they said he just wasn't that interested. But he didn't come to any harm - he just had a big feed when i came in.

Treat yourself to a night out. Give your DP a bottle and tell him to get on with it. If he has to walk the floor with your dd for the entire evening then so be it.

angelene · 03/10/2008 19:35

My DD wouldn't take a bottle, tried them all. What worked in the end was a doidy cup (available from NCT website I think), it is slanted and therefore doesn't spil out the sides of her mouth. It's a genius invention and I would recommend it to anyone.

Have no similar recommendations for the DH unfortunately!

lisasimpson · 03/10/2008 19:35

What is the doc doing about the underactive thyroid? chances are you possibly don't have pnd at all - thyroid conditions are often mis-diagnosed as depression.

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