So worried about my DP, i don't know what to do

[lucyellensmum1]

Ive posted lots on here, usually self pitying twaddle, but im really so worried about my DP. I think he is on the verge of a breakdown and i dont know what to do.

We are under such pressure financially. Its all going wrong for DPs business and we have no money. Its just getting him down.

The thing is, he keeps losing his temper and shouting and throwing things, its really scary. Tonight he shouted at DD and banged the remote control down on the table so hard that i thought it smash. I thought he was going to lose his temper, he calmed down and gave DD a cuddle. Admitedly she was being REALLY difficult. Screaming blue murder because i dared to turn the sound down on the TV, we had music playing and she likes it loud - she was driving me nuts. Ive shouted at DD in the past (she is three, it happens) but DP doesn't do this, it is out of character. He is not a shouty person, in fact he is, or was, the most laid back person i know. Its just that we have been through so much. He is really battling with a job this week and he is ill too (so am i, bad cold).

I want to make it clear to him that i WILL leave if he loses his rag with DD again, but i don't want to push him over the edge. I LOVE him with all my heart and he is a GOOD KIND and GENTLE man, but he is at the end of his tether. He refuses to get medical help and to be honest, im scared.

Am i dramatising this? I suffer with depression and i do dramatise - i mean, we all lose our rag with our children. He didn't hit her, in fact she was too busy paddying to notice him shouting.

Should i talk to him about it, or let it go?

I want to help him. I feel like there is a light at the end of my tunnel and i can feel some strength right at the bottom of my tummy - i dont want to give up on what was, until the money trouble - a wonderful relationship.

No-one thinks you are a shit person
You asked how you can help your dh
we are telling you

If you choose to interpret that as people saying you are a shit person there is eff all we can do

What are we meant to do - say "ooh give him a foot massage"?

He is stressed about money
you can help him by working

oh you want an instant fix?

foot massage...

Nothing is going to help today
You need to address the underlying issues
That takes time

Do you want your dp to get some ads? do you think that would help? I booked a joint appointment with the gp for me and my dh so we could both get some. Any port in a storm.

My dh shouts at the kids much more than I do. It is just a different parenting style. And toddlers can be very annoying. Only you can say if it was getting out of hand.

This is not about being a 'shit person' which are in fact your own words, nobody elses

You have asked for advice on what to do about your current situation. You have financial problems, and a dp who appears to be depressed because of the financial problems.

So any advice posters have given is to help ease the root cause of your problems.

You have then asked what can be done TODAY, well in the real world, not a lot!

Unfortunately 99% of the population are worrying about their finances at the mo, and how they are going to manage. We are all trying our best to keep our heads above water, and the only advice that people have given is to try to find some extra income via you taking on a little job.

Nobody is being unkind, we are just facing facts. You are extremely lucky to have 2 people in your household who have the ability to work, unlike many others.

I'm sorry if the posts have sounded harsh, they are not intended, but after reading many of the recent threads about people expecting mners to help out financially, there are quite alot of people who are sceptical about any posts to do with money situations.

The only help you can expect on here would be practical advice, which is what you have been given. Not sure what else you expected us to say.

Now I shall duck and prepare for a flaming, as not sure which way this will go!

maybe there comes a time in trying to run your own business when you have to bite the bullet and give it up painful as it is

i think if your dh could measily get a job and you are struggling to get one then that would be best

and you could get a part time one hopefully too

two of you working for a business which is never going to get snywhrer is pointless and soul destroying

Feel for you at the moment - we are in the same position. My DH has his own business and it is really struggling at the moment. We have a klot of work but nobody is paying and we cannot get anymore finance. I have 4 DC, 2 with SNs and it was never in our plans that I should work. When we had the children it was decided I should work if I wanted to. Unfortunately, situations change and last year, he said he really needed help with the business so our youngest who was 2.5 at the time was put into nursery. We had to way up the cost of nursery etc. DH had pneumonia last year (due to stress) which didn't help the business, extremely high BP and is very depressed. I really can't do anymore to help due to number of children and childcare costs for them. I'm not taking a salary from the business. I didn't realise how bad it was until I started working there. Have considered taking some form of paid employment to have some guaranteed money coming into the house but the logistics are the problem (and husband doesn't want any of his clients seeing me working at the local supermsrket!). Pride can be a terrible thing.We have made all the cutbacks we can. Obviously we cannot sell the house in the present climate and the state it's in - 25yr old kitchen. We have made attempts to sell the business but husband is relunctant to let it go. I have suggested he goes into partnership with someone (who he doesn't partcularly like) and this is probably the only way forward at the moment. My DH also has a short fuse with the children and he does realise it is because of the business.I'm losing my hair and not sleeping so I fully understand how you feel. I'm 'phoning people, asking for payment and am getting the same story from everyone - it's tough out there for small businesses (if only the government would give a break instead of bailing out the banks).My husband has considered getting salaried employment but TBH I don't think he is employable and would never get the salary to cover our/businesses debts.Hope it gets better for you soon - and no you are not a bad mother.