i have never had an orgasm since being married

[awkwardquestion]

and i was a virgin on my wedding day! where am i going wrong?

Not to hijack the thread, but how do you know if you've had an orgasm? Me and DH have tried, and there are times during foreplay where I feel everything building up. and then I'll get to a point where I have to throw DH off or make him stop doing what he is doing because I can't take anymore. Then it feels tingly and still feels like he's still pleasuring me though he has stopped. Is that an orgasm? (I feel really stupid for asking, but I always thought I would just know, but as I make DH stop, I presumed I was stopping him before I got to that point).

when you orgasm you will feel a kind of pulsing sensation and yes it will feel very nice, like a wave of released pressure.

Did you go on the pill on marriage, by any chance, because you were planning to have sex?

I would assume not as this is Mumsnet but you never know?

I found the pill crippled the old libido.

do you feel comfortable during sex? or are you embarrassed about it or nervous?

sometimes these things can really get in the way of enjoying sex..
I never really enjoyed sex (or at least not like i do now) with ex partners because i was not really very confident and never really felt sexy.
My current partner changed that straight away, and because he is quite confident and very complimentary and laid back about sex, it has made me much the same. I now feel so confident with him and find that the key to a great orgasm is to really relax into it, think really naughty sexy thoughts and show DH how sexy i feel. (even if to an outsider i am not that sexy at all) if we both feel sexy and think sexy we have the most incredible sex imaginable!

if there is a break in my thoughts or an interuption i do find it a bit difficult to get back into the 'zone' because i really believe mental imput is just as important as physical to reach climax.

Set yourself up on your own one day, if you have any toys use those... dim the lights and think your naughtiest thoughts! once you get the hang of it and learn how to think past this block, you will be well away!!

let us know! lol

Get a vibrator and a tube of KY jelly and shut yourself in the bedroom when the house is empty & you know no-one's coming back for ages. Also a good book is "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday, which is a book of women's fantasies.

i was on the pill, yes. but since stopping to conceive dd1 4 years ago i havent been on it (Though interestingly did go back on it 2 weeks ago!). yes trouble is with a 1 and 3 year old there arent many times when am home alone not going to be interrupted but perhaps when dh out one evening i could try. i got rid of my rampant rabbit as i didnt get on with it. anyone got any other 'toys' to suggest? thanks for the book- anything is worth a try! will keep the thread posted....

I never ever had one til exBF did oral on me. I wasn't sure if I had had one til then but I KNEW when it did happen because it really took me by surprise! It was like Oh my God what was that!

I didn't really know at that age what turned me on mentally but the more dirty books and just normal films I watched I gradually learnt what thoughts aroused me til I could 'do it for myself'.

I managed to have one vaginally with one man, who must have just been the right shape and size and able to do a position that worked for me, but I've only had a vaginal one with DH after I've already had one from oral. I've heard that it is easier to have a 'clitoral' orgasm and it's true in my case.