Cannot get over infantile crush I had on my dd's teacher last year.

[arabella2]

Don't quite know how to get over my ridiculous crush on my daughter's teacher last year(writing it down makes it seem even more ridiculous as of course I hardly know him and he is married and I'm sure at home he is just a completely normal person who can be as annoying as both dh and I can be) and in some kind of way it is colouring my relationship with dh because part of me is holding off being completely in to him in the way a wife should be because I somehow don't want my life to be only about him.... does any of this make any sense? I never see the teacher in question now anyway except today I did because of giving some things to his learning support person and so was reminded of how nice I kind of think he is. I'm sure that if I got to know him he would just become a normal person that I liked but because it is impossible to get to that stage he has some kind of weird mythical status in my head. Also he is definitely quite funny and intelligent (and has beautiful kind but also slightly sardonic eyes!!!) - I guess I am starved of diverse male contact (not sexual) in a way. It's just so nice to actually find somebody kind of attractive in that way and I guess that's part of the appeal... But it also makes me sad because life and its possibilities somehow seem limited... In any case, apart from a horrid argument today, dh and I are kind of okay give or take a few hundred different things.... and we are both madly in love with the kids so the deal is kind of set.... I can't imagine how traumatic divorce must be.
Still, any advice on how to go back to thinking that dh is the bees knees and the one and only?????

Don't have any advice really but I can't believe no-one else has posted as I imagine this is fairly common.

I think this kind of things happens when life is all routine and you feel you have nothing 'exciting' to look forward to. In the past when I have had crushes from afar it has been something quite simple which has snapped me out of it. Usually just something which takes my mind off it for a while not something huge.

Can you arrange an evening out for you and DH where you both get all dressed up? Sometimes it helps to see each other differently.

The problem I always had was I quite enjoyed the excitement of it even though I knew it wasn't going anywhere etc (This was before I met my DH). Maybe even paying yourself more attention will do it so you will feel good about yourself?

or imagine your crush on the loo? trousers round ankles sort of thing

I think you need to go water-skiing or rock-climbing or something! Men are not the only way of feeling exhilarated. Thank goodness, because I have no male company whatsoever, not even a basically decent husband. I think your mind is wandering because you feel your life is too mapped out. Perhaps?

Doesn't have to be water-skiing, volunteering for a women's or a children's charity can really make you feel connected to society and not just connected to your family and friends iykwim.

I think these things happen because you have been with DH for a while and have kids so you feel kind of trapped even though you chose to be with DH and chose to have children (I'm assuming you did).

Because you feel trapped you want to make sure that what you have got is the best and you aren't missing out on something better you could have had.

I felt this way about another man and I don't know him all that well. From what I do know, logically I can see that if I was with him there would be problems, because there are lots of things 'wrong' with him, but I felt blinded by love/lust. I visualise him being so wonderful and perfect if we were together and I now know that this is JUST a fantasy.

A thought that made me feel loads better was "Do you know of anyone with a relationship that you would rather have than the one you have got?" I don't. This must mean that this mythical perfect relationship we fantasise about probably doesn't exist. If you left your DH and got together with the OM, after the 'honeymoon period' you would start to notice his faults as well, and at best you would only get into a similar relationship with him to the one you have with DH. It isn't worth it is it? Unless you are really unhappy with your DH, and it doesn't sound like you are.

I've tried to accept that if you find your DH 'acceptable' and he shows you love and provides companionship then this is enough to be contented with. Another thought that helped me was "Would you rather have really intense passion and excitement with OM which lasts a short time but then have nothing when honeymoon period is over and having lost DH and DCs, and then you would have to find another man and do it all again for the same 'rush' and again and again etc, or would you rather have a lifetime of less intense love, and support and companionship and someone you feel you can rely on and stability and relax about it?"

Just as you are seeing your DH's faults more because you have been with him a while, he is probably seeing yours. But he is staying with you because he loves you. This is worth a lot. Don't look elsewhere, be reassured that it doesn't get any better!

I get crushes all the time (and there is nothing wrong with mine and DH's relationship) The highs are fab, the lows are fairly pitiful, but they do fade in time. I think it's harder to get it to fade though when it's someone who's in your eye all the time. I agree with Poppyfox, you need to find something else that sparks your interest, that gives you something to focus one.

I been doing this since I was about 13, and I haven't yet found a way to stop doing it (burn my eyes out?) I think so long as you realise it's a fantasy it's fairly harmless

Thanks for the answers and sorry I didn't get back straight away - I was looking for answers at first but then since there weren't any, I assumed my "problem" was so blindingly petty no one could be bothered to answer!
Thanks for suggestions - in my case, dh is my first ever boyfriend - I am 39 now and I suppose it is kind of a mid life crisis thing as you know you are not getting younger and you are entering a different stage of your life. I kind of feel sad me and this person can't even be friends (though I suppose we could be if I volunteered at the school). I know he is married etc... so it's not a case of wanting to steal him from his family (or even that I could!!!), it's just that he has a nice peaceful presence and would be nice to know....
Yes I think dh and should get dressed up for each other and be other than just the person telling the other one they need to get something done... Also other activities is a good idea but of course with three children who are 2, 4 and 6, that's kind of hard - I have recently started 2 courses but that is also a source of stress for me and dh as he is working really hard and here I am going off on a Sunday morning and a Tuesday evening for my courses. Anyway.....
I suppose there is nothing wrong with a little harmless daydreaming, but I was actually in tears (not in front of him!) the other day when I saw this person briefly and he smiled (as you would at anyone)... and then I had no excuse just to hang around...
Anyway, realise I sound mad....
Thanks again.

Yes and the toilet image is not a good one either

time is the best cure i think