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Relationships

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Original poster

is considering marriage after 6 months rushing things?

28 replies

mocca · 30/09/2008 14:58

I've been with my new man nearly 6 months and we're deeply in love and feel that we've both found someone really special. At the moment we live 200 miles apart so only see eachother fortnightly but he's said this is only short-term and wants us to be together within a year or so when he should be able to move.

We're in our early 50s and divorced (me for 2 years, him for 12). I'd love to get married again and I wasn't sure about how he felt but the other day he told me that he'd told his work colleagues that "he felt he could marry this girl" (meaning me). I didn't really respond but wondered if he was looking for encouragement from me. I was wondering if I could bring this up with him and say something along the lines of: "well why don't you ask me then?" because I do feel this is the man I could marry. We can't rush anything because it would be at least a year before he could move, but having a longish engagement would be fine by me and give us a chance to really get to know eachother. We both find the distance really hard to cope with but knowing there's a firm commitment would make it so much easier for me. Or would bringing this up at this stage be rushing things?

OP posts:

amner · 30/09/2008 15:06

No not really.

If you had been 16 I might have said otherwise, but you are both mature adults who know what a relationship is.

Go on... go for it.. life is too short

branflake81 · 30/09/2008 15:07

Yes. I think it is.

You might be madly in love and am sure tehre are lots of people who marry quickly and are happy. But six months is not very long at all and lots can change. If you're going to be together anyway, why rush marriage? just take your time and enjoy yourself.

PussinJimmyChoos · 30/09/2008 15:10

I got married to DH within two weeks of going out with him. We had only been friends for about 3 months beforehand. We will have been together 11years in March and have a lovely DS...

Life is too short to stress - go with your heart

zippitippitoes · 30/09/2008 15:11

if you both feel very strongly then why not?

shoedweller · 30/09/2008 15:12

You've both been there before so you know what you're talking about. Go for it.

sb6699 · 30/09/2008 15:35

My dh proposed within 6 months and we've been together for nearly 10 years.

If you are really sure, then why not go for it as you say a long engagement will let you get to know each other better before you are married.

We should all take our chance of happiness while we can.

Good Luck!!

Original poster

mocca · 30/09/2008 16:27

I'm encouraged thank you - and we couldn't get married for at least a year anyway and probably longer. But how do I raise it with him - do I wait for him to ask me properly or do something along the lines of what I said above, which is basically following up on something that he's said.

I know in the past he's been aware that he might be going too fast so might need encouragement from me to take it a step further. He's already said he'd love me to move in with him but knows that I can't because I have a daughter of 8 who I can't uproot. On the other hand, I don't want to come across as pushy!

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 30/09/2008 16:30

Saying 'I could marry this girl' and seriously proposing marriage are two very different things. I would put out more feelers until you are absolutely sure it is what you both want, rather than rushing in at such an early stage and risking spoiling things.

surprisenumber3 · 30/09/2008 16:31

DH moved in with me 8 days after meeting me (he rented his house out for a year before selling it).

I was pregnant (planned) within 5 months and we married a year later (but he proposed when I'd been with him a few months).

Six years on we're so happy. After two terrible relationships, I knew he was the one

anniemac · 30/09/2008 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fimbo · 30/09/2008 16:45

Dh and I met in December and were living together and had a joint bank account by the following June. I then moved cities to by with him when he moved because of his job. We got married two years later and had dd about 18 months after that.

Fimbo · 30/09/2008 16:46

We will have been married for 12 years in November

Cocolepew · 30/09/2008 16:47

DH proposed after 3 weeks and we were married in a year.

SaintGeorge · 30/09/2008 16:48

I proposed to DH 3 weeks after we met.

We moved in together within a month but took 18 months to get around to marrying.

It was a rebound relationship for both of us and members of our families were betting with each other that we wouldn't see our 1st anniversary.

This year was our 19th wedding anniversary.

Errrrmm, I guess I'm saying go for it!

LynetteScavo · 30/09/2008 16:48

I think 6 months is long enough to know if he's the one. If you were 16, I would have my doubts, but you both have enough life experience behind you to know what you're doing.

mumoverseas · 30/09/2008 16:49

If it feels right, then do it. I met my DH on the internet and as at that time we were living 3000 miles apart we spent a lot of time talking on the phone and emailing. Before I met him I told my best friend I'd either hate him within 5 minutes of meeting him or would marry him, there would be no in between. I married him, 5 months to the day after we first 'met' on the internet! We have just had our third wedding anniversary, our DD is 2 tomorrow and I am 18 weeks pregnant with DC2. Life it too bloody short! We'd both been married before and knew it was right. Good luck to you both x

anniemac · 30/09/2008 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RhinestoneCowgirl · 30/09/2008 16:51

My parents met and were married within 4 months - my dad proposed 3 weeks after they met (and no, it wasn't a shotgun wedding). They are still v happily married more than 30 yrs later and have 3 children.

I recently went to my FIL's wedding, he and his new wife are 50s/60s and they were so very happy that they had found each other.

If he's really right for you he's not going to run for the hills if you start talking about marriage - and the fact that he has brought the subject up shows that he has been thinking about it too.

Original poster

mocca · 30/09/2008 17:18

Mumoverseas, I'm so happy for you. I met mine online too; who made the decision to move - I assume you didn't have any children from previous relationships - that's what's complicating things for us at the moment (we do love our kids of course!). Did he ask you or did you ask him? Sorry for so many questions.

And SaintGeorge, are you a boy or a girl - sorry for asking but as a woman I'm still wary of proposing to a man. And congrats to you for being happily together nearly 20 years later. Funnily enough my parents decided to get married after only knowing eachother for 2 weeks - but it took about 2 years before they actually got round to it. My dad was from Australia and my mum from Germany!

OP posts:

SaintGeorge · 30/09/2008 17:25

Female, 2 kids worth of stretch marks to prove it

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 30/09/2008 22:19

Go for it, DH and I got engaged after 3 months and I was only 16. have now been together almost 14 years and married for 9.

Weegiemum · 01/10/2008 08:41

My Dad met my Stepmum on the day his divorce came through and they were married 3 months later! It was, in fact, my sister and I who 'proposed' for him (we were 14 and 12!). They are married 24 years next week.

If you are sure, go for it. Lots of luck xxx

bubblagirl · 01/10/2008 08:54

my mum and dad was married after 6 mths and have been together 34 yrs nearly

Original poster

mocca · 01/10/2008 09:46

It's very interesting to hear so many positive experiences of couples who have married after having known eachother a very short time. And I have friends who have done the same. I don't want to force anything but I'll sound him out gently and see what happens. We're having a 6 month anniversary meal on Saturday in the restaurant where we had our first date and I'm really looking forward to it!

OP posts:

Lasvegas · 01/10/2008 12:20

He proposed to me 6 weeks after we met. It felt right, we were both divorcees so knew about the 'reality' of marriage. We have been together for about 4 yrs and no regrets.

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