The friend in question was my oldest friend (met when we were 5), and she is the closest friend I have ever had. We shared everything, had our first dcs around the same time etc. She's helped me through some really tough times, and I even met my dh through her dh.
We fell out a couple of years ago; it was not long after I moved further away from her (around 3.5 hrs away). She came to visit with her 2 dcs (3& 8mths) for 5 days. My own dcs were 2 and 6mths at the time. To cut a long story short, it was a very stressful week. My dd developed Chickenpox and spent most of the time being terrified of her ds; my ds still wasn't anywhere near sleeping through and I spent 5 uncomfortable nights in my loft (had given her our room) up and down tending to my ds.
Friend is quite a loud person too, so 3 adults and 4 under 4s under my smallish roof made for quite a frantic environment. Anyway, she returned home and I assumed all was well - apparently not! When we spoke on the phone next she said she'd been really annoyed with my dh and had held her tongue on the last night; how did I put up with him, what's the matter with him etc etc.
I was totally shocked and mortified that she was saying these things and basically apologised, telling her not to take offence to anything dh might have said/done as it wasn't personal, he just finds lots of kids really stressful. She was referring to the 4th night when Dh was feeding 6mth old ds and the others were running around being noisy; dh then slammed the dining room door and was in a bit of a huff.
I told dh about this conversation as I was quite taken aback by it, and upset (big mistake). He was disgusted that she could be so rude about him after we had (we'd thought) welcomed her into our home for the week.
Fast forward over the following weeks when it was both of her dcs birthdays (we'd spoken on the phone in between) And it turns out she'd had birthday parties and not told me/invited me to either . When I texted to ask how birthdays were (after sending cards) I was met with an abrupt text saying roughly " great thanks, shame you couldn't have come over but your dh the misery probably couldn't stand to be in the same room as me".
I was really devestated by this, and didn't reply or get back in touch for a few months. She emailed me a couple of times and I eventually replied telling her I'd been upset by what she'd done. We thrashed it out, but it ended in angry words being written where she made out that dh had been awful to them and that she'd felt victimised by him!!? I apologised if she'd been offended, and suggested that dh had perhaps been a little insensitive to her as a guest but that I thought it was a slight over reaction (try fabrication).
Another year on and we have talked on Facebook every now ann again, but I've never really wanted to make the effort to restart the friendship. I don't care about what she did, what really hurts is the way that our wonderful years of 'sisterhood' have been ruined by all of this. We should have been going through these first years of motherhood together, and I don't even know her second ds .
I actually believe we were drifting away from each other because of small differences which were emerging in our likes/dislikes, the way we parent. I think this was magnified when she came to stay and she didn't like it so took it out on me. She has always been a 'Queen Bee' type, and I feel that this dressing down over dh was a way of putting me in my place, back to the subservient one within the friendship.
My rational mind doesn't really like the person she has become, and doesn't need her in my life, but the emotional side feels bereaved. I genuinely feel as if I've lost a close family member. Like I've been cut adrift from a big sister who was always there to look after me in bad times. I dream of her every now and again, and we are friends again. Last night we hugged and I felt happy and secure, I woke up missing her so much.
I thought we were so close that we accepted each other on family terms (not taking offence to silly things) I know I accepted her warts and all. I just feel so for what I've lost as she was such a big part of my life. Our mutual group of friends too.
You deserve a medal if you've read all of that. Thank you.