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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What should I do re awkward situation with a friend

11 replies

thritbies · 28/09/2008 16:17

Hoping for some opinions, really don't know what if anything I am going to do about this.

I have a friend who I've been close to for over a year now, we met through work but started socialising with another friend and our children, going to soft play etc. I feel we are really good friends, we even spent part of our holiday together as we were in the same place. This friend is, let's say opinionated, but also worries if she thinks that something she said has been taken the wrong way, and will always try and sort it out.

Anyway, a few weeks ago we were both going to a concert but had booked separately. We had 6 tickets and she asked if there was a spare one for her daughter. There wasnt but a few days before the event my mum's friend dropped out. So we met my friend and collected her daughter to sit with us. Outside the theatre she handed me a roll of money, which I handed to my mum, and we went in as were on the last minute. The next day my mum says to me "You didn't tell me you had agreed on less than half the price for the ticket." I was as I hadn't, and had no idea that said friend had done this. We had no conversation or agreement about this. Granted it was last minute, but actually I could have sold it for full price 3 times over, had a list of people wanting to come along. My mum has said her friend won't mind, and will accept whatever for it, and obv won't know we could have got more- my mum's point is she doesnt want me to be in an awkward position with my friend. I don't want this either, but don't want to just leave it. So what on earth do I do please?!

OP posts:
doesmybumlookbiginthis · 28/09/2008 16:23

I think I would definitely say something. maybe your tickets were more expensive than hers and she didn't realise. If it was a misunderstanding then she would want to know and then there would be no bad feelings. and if it wasn't would you not rather know?

babyelephant · 28/09/2008 16:27

Tricky one, but...

I think as no price was discussed in advance she should have assumed it was full price. She should have given you the option to say "no, half price is fine".

If she's opinionated then she will probably have a thick skin therefore you can probably broach this with her.

I would say "Oh by the way, you know that ticket? You only gave me £X for it, did you know. It's just that Mum's friend let me have it as a favour so she was expecting the full price... " Then just see what she says. Put it on your Mum's friend, if it makes it easier.

After all you are just the middle person so you can make out it's not you personally who's asking for full price but it's what yr Mum's friend was expecting blah blah.

How annoyin tho...

babyelephant · 28/09/2008 16:32

If after tactful broaching she isn't immediately offering to pay the proper value of the ticket, you can assume it wasn't an honest mistake in the first place and she was being mercenary. I would be mortified if I had done it unwittingly and would fall over myself to rectify, as I would hate my friend to think I was taking advantage in any way (especially involving ugly money)

If she doesn't offer to pay the difference, I would sigh and say "Well I guess I will have to cover the difference for you, don't worry about it then". Then cross her off your Christmas card list

crokky · 28/09/2008 16:35

is she paying your mum's friend the child's price? whereas the orig. ticket was adult price?

CarGirl · 28/09/2008 16:37

concerts don't do child prices!

Freckle · 28/09/2008 16:56

Yes they do. I took DS1 to one of the BBC Proms at the Albert Hall and his ticket was half the price of mine.

thritbies · 28/09/2008 17:05

Thanks guys, tbh I was thinking of the approach as suggested by babyelephant. I am just trying to gear myself up for it! I think that all tickets were the same price, wherever the seat, it's difficult to explain without being specific but it was a special, one-off kind of event. It's true she might have just assumed she could pay for a child but it's the assuming that's the problem. Venue wasn't sold out either, so she could have purchased a concession for her 15yo if they were available, but the dd would have obv then been sat alone. Am nervous in case it turns out it wasn't a mistake, or she just thinks it was fine to do this- then the friend obv isn't who I thought she was

OP posts:
babyelephant · 28/09/2008 18:32

If you find out the proper price your Mum's Friend (MF) actually paid first (as I'm sure you were going to anyway) then this will make it easier.

If she assumed it was "child price" (however said ticket belonged to an adult originally, did it not, so unless your MF is of course a child ) then that is an honest mistake and she should still be mortified - any decent friend would be.

If she is not mortified then its a blow but doesn't mean she's not a good friend still - just that you have to watch her a bit for things like this in future. In fact if you let this go by she might think you are a bit of a pushover money-wise. Just cos you and I would be horrified at a friend thinking we'd tried it on, doesn't actually bother some people's consciences unfortunately - they just think "what a bargain I got that ticket for, la la la" then forget all about it.

Good luck!

tiggerlovestobounce · 28/09/2008 18:45

I think that babyelephants approach is good, either that or when you talk to your friend suggest that she obviously accidently gave you too little money.
Maybe your friend didnt think much about it and assumed that children are cheaper. I was a little shocked when I first realised that children paid that same price as everyone else.

thritbies · 28/09/2008 22:56

Well I have done it! She rang and I opened this thread, ready to quote babyelephant verbatim!

Anyway, whilst chatting I had a brain wave- in addition to "blaming" mum's friend, I remembered that she had said her dd's dad was going to pay- thus I could also put some of the onus on him. As luck would have it, she then mentioned him in conversation, so pretended she had jogged my memory, also that Mum only mentioned to me in last few days. She was mortified, and thought that she had prob cocked it up because originally she was going halves with the dad, the he offered to pay the lot, but she only told him half the amount. DH is about this, but I think at least she didn't just say "yeah, what about it?!" I am relieved and pleased with the outcome, and my mum's friend is only a £5 out of pocket.

Thanks everyone for the replies, I actually booked all the tickets so knew I wasn't BU, all tickets were over the £60 mark !

babyelephant thanks for your superb advice

OP posts:
babyelephant · 29/09/2008 20:59

Glad to have been of service!!

Nice to know she wasn't really trying to take advantage - sounds like she just got a bit confused!

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