the biggest decision of my life

[franfoxy2003]

I have had to make the decision to split up with my husband due to the fact that he wont get a job and i cant support him myself and ds, i have been signed off work for 4 months with severe depression so our finances are crap.

Recieved a letter from housing association today saying we are being evicted because of our rent arrears.

I cant stay with him because me and ds are loosing everything. Ds is only 2 and a half and he deserves a better life.

I love my husband with everything i can but i cant go on like this and ds deserves better!

I went through this 18 months ago. Why won't your husband get a job?

Housing associations are usually VERY good as long as you can be seen to be soing someting about the arrears - if you are sure about kicking your hub out then unless you are working you need to put in a claim for income support and housing benefit

Franfoxy2003 I am so sorry. Your situation sounds dire.

why won't he get a job?

he is just plain lazy thats it! i have got to do this for ds because we are about to loose everything, dh has family he can move back in with i dont. I have got to go down to the council and sort out somewhere for me and ds to live even if its a b+b for the time being!

I dont know if i will even be able to get somewhere to live once I have been evicted cos it affects things like that I think.

i went and saw my rent officer and she agreed £10 a week was fine until my benefits were sorted (still waiting despite pushing them) and now I get this letter.

the best thing for me and ds is if i split up with dh and start fresh~!

i have noone to talk to at all so i gotta cope with this on my own

is it possible that the letter has been sent out automatically and that your agreement with the rent officer will still stand?

It sounds like you are in a really difficult situation with your DH - it is hard to love someone but know that you can't be with them.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing in putting DS's needs first.

take care of you

yeah it is hard to love him but know he is the worst thing for me and ds. he is away with the territorial army til sunday evening so cant sort anything out til then, got a day to think about everything and what im gonna say i suppose!

its not possibly it was sent automatically because the rent officer has signed it too!

I find that it is very odd that he is in the TA yet is too lazy to get a job Presumeably the TA requires some effort. Would he not join the real army?

hopefully you can sort it out with the rent officer too.

The TA requires a lot of effort and disipline (and pays!) if he is able to be a member of the TA and yet wont step up to the plate to support his wife and DS I think leaving him is the best option.

Perhaps the short sharp shock of you planning to leave will wake him up.

you need to speak to the housing association again and remind them of the agreement you thought had been reached with them! You should be eligible for various different benefits so contact the benefits agency asap.
You have obviously thought very long and hard about this and are putting your DS first which is the most important thing. Next you need to decide whether you feel your marriage is totally over or whether a separation may be the kick up the arse that it sounds like your husband needs. Don't rush into a divorce unless you are 100% sure and don't forget if you have no income and are on benefits you will be entitled to legal help and advice (a form of legal aid) which may be of use to you at the moment. Good luck

he hasnt been paid a penny from the TA and he has been there since may! he thinks going to the TA every tuesday and the odd weekend is a good enuogh job even though he hasnt been paid anything yet.

he gets as far as looking and thats it, he doesnt apply for anything at all!

no he wont join the regular army because quote 'its too hard work'

it annoys me because he knows how bad my depression is atm and that im not allowed to go back to work but he just doesnt care, he has stopped helping with ds and has stopped helping with the housework!

is it possible that he is depressed too?

www.armyjobs.mod.uk/benefits/pay/Pages/TerritorialArmy(TA).aspx gives you and idea what he should be getting paid

thanks for that, he hasnt been paid a penny though and he has been there 4/5 months apparently its summin to do with the system or summin!

no he aint depressed he is happy and everything he just WONT get a decentish job!

could he be lying to you about not getting paid. Maybe he set up another ccount somewhere and that is where the money is being paid into?

If the employer was joe bloggs of backstreet, then it would be more ebeliveable but the British army does pay its staff on time i would have thought

i cant imagine he has set up another account anywhere, he isnt that clever! we had a huge row when he got back bout it all and i told him it was over, got too stressy so i had to go out! dont wanna go back but i gotta for my ds! going down the citizens advice tomorrow and gonna sort out somewhere for me and ds to live too!