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Original poster

Should I feel bitter because DP buggered off to Magaluf for weekend leaving pregnant me and dd?

26 replies

lilymolly · 25/09/2008 20:22

DP "asked" if it was ok to go to Majorca for 5 days with the lads.
I stupidly said yes

Anyhow he left this morning for 5 days in the sun

I am soooooooooooo bitter about this.

I am left home alone with dd 2.7 and a sickness fuelled 16 week pregnancy

I know I know I know I should not have said yes, but now I am feeling sorry for myself.

How can I enjoy this weekend with just me and dd?

Please send suggestions and lots of sympathy please

Oh and maybe some tips in which I can exact revenge upon his return

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 25/09/2008 20:24

Surely you are due the same amount of time to yourself, and a similar fun outing, before the new baby comes?

BetteNoire · 25/09/2008 20:29

Have a fun weekend with DD.
Saturday:
Go to the library and choose some new books. Borrow a DVD.
Make buns, take them to the park for a picnic.
Have a long walk, them come home and chill out together on the sofa with a DVD.

When she's in bed, surf the net and book yourself a few days away when DP can look after DD.

Sunday: swimming.
Meet up with friends.
Do something crafty - make cards, do some painting.

He'll be back before you know it.

Twelvelegs · 25/09/2008 20:31

I cannot believe how some men act.... why would he go away for a break with the lads?

Original poster
lilymolly · 25/09/2008 20:31

Oh would love to, but to be honest and not feeling sorry for myself at all- but dont really have anyone to go away with.
I have friends, but none who could either afford or have the time away from family themselves.

DP I think is planning on organising a weekend away for me with a friend but he has been quite secretive

Oh how I would love to be in Majorca right now in the sun

OP posts:
Original poster
lilymolly · 25/09/2008 20:34

Twelvelegs thats exactly what I thought
They are tossers arnet they.
But guess only got myself to blame for letting him go.

Bettenoir- thanks sounds like nice things to do.
She wont sit and watch DVD unfortunately, but will do the other things you suggested.
We have 2 dogs, so may take her to the beach one day too

OP posts:
ButIForgetMyself · 25/09/2008 20:41

I feel crap enough that my DP is buggering off to Majorca on Oct 9th for 5 days when I'll be 28+2, and we don't even have any other DCs yet, so God knows how you must be feeling.

Eat chocolate. Make the most of having the bed to yourself. Watch soaps guiltlessly.

That's what I'm going to do anyway.

ConstanceWearing · 25/09/2008 20:56

If you mean no, you must say "no" next time, twelvelegs. There are no medals for martyrs in this life, so you might aswell tell it like it is. I think it's selfish of him to go at such a time. Can you not go stay with mum or friends and try to have some fun yourself?

Original poster
lilymolly · 25/09/2008 21:49
OP posts:
Ripeberry · 25/09/2008 21:54

My husband went to Costa Rica for 2 weeks when DD1 was 8 months old. But it made him realise how much he missed us and also other people on the trip could not believe he had left us to go on hols.
He's NEVER gone on hols by himself since!

2rebecca · 26/09/2008 00:19

I don't think it's selfish if he asked and was told OK. Some people here see holidaying separately as a bigger deal than I do though. I wouldn't be happy with my bloke organising my holiday though, I'd want to do it myself, and I'd want the same amount of holiday as he had, he can take time off work to look after the sprog, or ask relatives to help. 5 childfree days for you might be worth him going away for 5 days.
2 1/2 year olds can be fun so I wouldn't mind a few days with toddler.

IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry · 26/09/2008 00:33

I don't think it's selfish. If you had said no would he have been ok with it? I have holidayed away from DP before and it was a great experience because my group of friends are so close but don't all see each other as often as we'd like.

As long as you make sure you do something that you really want to do as well,then it sounds healthy to me!

dittany · 26/09/2008 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marmadukescarlet · 26/09/2008 00:44

I would have thought going to Magaluf was punishment enough.

Spellcheck · 26/09/2008 11:39

Hi Lilymolly, my once-lovely DH went to Barcelona two years ago for four days with people from work, a kind of work incentive. This was the first one he'd been on. I really didn't want to him to go (jealous of girls going, also thinking why the hell didn't he take me away on a weekend like that?!), and gave him a bit of a hard time. I knew he had earned the break, and tried to be all happy for him, but inside I cried. didn't stop going on about it for a while afterwards too.

Two years later, he wants to leave me. In counselling the other day he said how trapped I made him feel, and brought up the trip to Barcelona and how I ruined it for him by being stroppy about it and going on about it for months, making it such a big deal when it wasn't. He has never really forgiven me for it, and it made him feel controlled, and he decided to try and do more things for himself. Which he did, including an affair earlier this year.

Looking back, I wish I'd been more supportive of him, and more welcoming when he got home. I've learned such a hard lesson. If you can do something nice for you, with or without him, then what's the harm in him going away? I feel such a fool. Let him see what a happy home he's coming back to. Be supportive and welcoming. Lucky you having a lovely DH who is possibly planning something lovely for you!!! x

Original poster
lilymolly · 26/09/2008 12:56

Oh spellcheck thats such a sad story

Sorry about your dh and the horrible time you are having.

Yes you are right- I will try and enjoy weekend with dd and welcome him back with open arms when he gets back

Loads of love x

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 26/09/2008 13:18

"I cannot believe how some men act.... why would he go away for a break with the lads? "

why not?asked if it was ok with partner.
partner said fine.
so he went.

we aren't mindreaders women.
the reason he asked is because he sensed it might be a problem for you to be alone and pregnant but wasn't sure, and if you don't ask you don't get.
so before he booked he asked.then got the all clear.

SoupDragon · 26/09/2008 13:20

FGS, he asked, you said yes. Stop whining.

Elf · 26/09/2008 13:22

Lilymolly, every nowa and then DH and I go away separately. I usually go somewhere on my own and I love it. It's just for a night or two and Ii have peace and a lie in etc. It is lovely. Please don't not go away just because you have no one to go with - it can be great.

belgo · 26/09/2008 13:23

agree with soupdragon. My dh went skiing for a week with my agreement leaving me pregnant with two small children.

I am using it as a bargaining tool

Original poster
lilymolly · 26/09/2008 14:40

soup dragon
I dont believe I am whining

I think I said yes because its not up to me to decide what he does- but to be honest I did not expect him to go

Never mind ladies will get my own little jolly I am sure

OP posts:
shandybass · 27/09/2008 21:43

HI
You've probably gone now, but my dh has just been away on a trip with friends with my ok.
I don't mind, but I definitely see it as a big big favour and have lined up a few weekend treats for me with my mates. What I resent is any attitude that doesn't respect what I have done to enable him to go away, ie not so much martyr but equal respect back if I want to do things which leave him with all the work and responsibility.

I know you, men, can't be mindreaders but also I expect you to realise that if I, partner, say's yes to a big favour that its on an understanding that you would do the same back in kind. also if this is not the case to expect some aggro as life is not all take take! And Spellcheck I sympathise but men can be pretty selfish and it wasn't you who made him feel trapped it was him shirking his responsibilities and trying to make himself out to be justified in his actions.
Anyway rambling on, its late and my dh is out but it is seriously ok. I was out last night and we had a nice day together as a family.
Good luck.

2rebecca · 28/09/2008 10:57

I find the not expecting him to go bit odd. I would only ask my husband if I could go on holiday with some friends without him if I intended to go if he said yes. If I didn't intend to go I wouldn't bother asking.
Generally if my bloke asks to go somewhere I OK it, as I hate the way some blokes go on about having to get "a pass" from their wives as though they were in gaol, with limited hours of freedom.
On the other hand if he was wanting to spend most of each weekend without me we would have a long chat about what we actually wanted from this relationship, and whether it's worth being together if he doesn't value and enjoy my company.

VictorianSqualor · 28/09/2008 11:02

Personally I'd tell DP to get fucked if he thought he could bugger off for a week in the sun leaving me home, pregnant, with the children.

Especially if he was planning to go to shagaluf.

However I have said before that I would have had no problems when he was planning a skiing trip but he decided that it wouldn't be fair to go and didn't.

But you said yes. So it's of your own doing. Maybe when he gets back you should tell him that you don't feel separate holidays are on the agenda anymore?

ConstanceWearing · 28/09/2008 11:05

Agree with you shandybass. Spellcheck, that is a really sad story. But it was not your fault that the relationship broke down because you felt jealous and insecure over that one incident. It really isn't your fault, and I'm sad and angry that you have been made to feel like that.

VictorianSqualor · 28/09/2008 11:06

Oh, also, I had a friend text me the other week and ask me if I wanted to go Magaluf, it was practically a free holiday as someone else had dropped out.
But I wouldn't have gone.
Because I have responsibilities, and they do not include buggering off leaving DP to cope with work and the children whilst I fritter away our money on a holiday of drunken debauchery.