Is it fair that my mil wants to take dd for afternoon and not ds?

[MrsKing]

I am a sahm with DD (4.5) at school and DS (2.5) at home.

My mil who I get on with very well also has two grandsons (her daughters children). When daughters first child was born she went to part time hours to look after GC whilst daughter at work and then looked after both until recently. They are now at school.

To be honest my DD and DS have never spent that much time with her because Granny was always been busy looking after other GC and too tired when not. She also spends most Saturdays with daughter and other GC. As a sahm I have largely accepted that they are my children are my/husbands sole responsibility and apart from very occasionally (docs appointment etc) have not asked for any help.

Now I find that as mil is no longer looking after other GC children during day she has offered to pick up my DD only and take her back to hers have dinner and bring her back later on. I asked about my DS and she said no she wanted one on one time with my DD. She already picks up both her other GC from school one night week.

Am I over-reacting that my DS will get no time at all with her? He is very sweet and is very fond of his granny. I know he will be very upset to see his big sister and not him out with Granny. Besides that he spends 5 days a week on his own with me and he could do with a break!

Thanks for reading!

i'd have a 5 yer old over a 2 yer old any day - they are wildly different.

dh's aunt and uncle desperatley watned a girl and didn't have one - no girls for ages on dh's side of the family and them i had one - she was a twin the other a boy.

i also have an older boy - i had absolutley no problems in sending off the twins - NO PROBLEM AT ALL!!!

gave me more time with older ds

however i was lucky in that my mum favoured my oldest.

my youngest boy got to do loads with the uncle as he didn't really relate to girls.

i thought it was pretty equitable all round.

and unless you can reconcile the equtability ( it that even a word!) in your own mind - then dont do it

in your situation i would say - yes do the school run - saves me from having to do it - gives me a special day with ds - and tell him so - tell him " wednesday is our special day - its our painting day - or baking day or sweets day or tv day" or whatever the treat is.

Be grateful that your mil wants to share time with one of your children-my mother hasn't spent any time with my youngest one ever (although I can see the whole point about your littlest one being left out) and he's nearly 6,she lives her own life and doesn't see that its her place to spend time with my children-even for a few hours.

I'm sure my children will fondly remember all those special moments with their grandma

I don't think it's favouritism wanting to see a school age child but not a toddler. Toddlers are exhausting, give the woman a break. It sounds as though she is already tired with the childcare she does. There's a difference between the creative stuff you can do with a 4 1/2 year old compared to the constantly saying no and repetetive play that goes with a toddler. She may see your son when he is school age, insisting she sees him if she's to see your daughter sounds very churlish.
My dad took my 11 year old son on holiday this year. My brother didn't throw a strop because he didn't take his 4 year old. He appreciated that older kids are easier (until they become teenagers, I'm sure my retired dad would not have taken a stroppy 15 year old.)
I'd tell your son he'll get to go when he's bigger and maybe ask your husband to have a word with his mum about it to check it is just the age thing.

I can see why a GP would rather have an older GC than a younger GC and i wouldn't mind if that was the reason.

In my case my mum told me she prefered my eldest neice,and also that she didn't really like my younger neice and only tolerated having her so that she could continue to have eldest DN.

So when my mum says she only wants to have my eldest dd and not my youngest what am i supposed to think?? I don't believe that it's not favouritism on her part.My mum has said on numerous occasions that my dd2 (same age as my db's ds) is better behaved and easier to look after. But she can't have my dds but can have DN for my db anytime he asks.

Is the problem the fact that we don't think relatives should have favourites? Is this an unrealistic expectation? After all in all other relationships we have favourites. I have my favourite female adults, they're called my friends, I have my favourite male companion, he's called my husband.
I have cousins I like and ones I wouldn't mind if I never saw again.
Why should parents, grandparents and siblings be different?
Is saying you enjoy the company of all your children/ stepchildren equally just politically correct lying?
Have grandparents who admit to preferring the company of 1 grandchild over another just decided they're told old to bother pretending anymore?
I must admit I wouldn't like my dad to come out and say he loved one of his children or grandchildren best, but that maybe says more about my insecurities than anything else.
You get on with some personalities better than other, children and grandchildren have personalities, favouritism is inevitable.
We just all like to pretend it isn't, and that being treated fairly and being treated identically are the same thing.