I have a 7 month old dd and I've never had a good relationship with my in laws and since dd was born it has gotten worse.
MILs parenting ideas are completely different to mine. She supports leaving them to cry it out, I don't. Her house is not very clean either.
She has never told me I am a good mother, yet makes little digs about my wife/motherly ability. She loves to tell me how great her other DIL is with my dd, but not me myself.
She has watched dd a few times, ranging from 10 minutes to several hours but has not watched her for over 3 months now as every single time I returned, dd was screaming. I made the decision to no longer put dd or myself through that upset again. dd would fall asleep the second we would put her in the car or gobble down her bottle/food as if she had had nothing to eat all day although MIL would insist that she had slept/fed
she keeps insisting upon watching dd overnight. I refuse based on what has happened in the past plus her cry it out beliefs (which she denies in front of DH but i swear she told me this is what she did with other granddaughter).
I am back at work full time and want to spend my evenings and weekends with my DH and dd. Even if it means no sleep, I want to be with her. I can't afford to go p/t so I feel guilty if I'm away from her.
Due to financial reaasons, DH works 2 jobs including some weekends and sometimes the only time we get together as a family just us three, his mum is insisting we go up to hers for dinner. It's not just a few hours, she wants us there the whole day! Last time we were up, the plan was for us to leave when dd got tired/hungry (we had already been up for over 2 hours and I prefer to feed her at home as their house is dirty). well she was starting to get upset as she was hungry so I told dh its time to go and he kept ignoring me. dd was getting more upset but he was more interested in keeping his mum happy he is a mummy's boy.
So now I am refusing to spend weekends up there as this is our time. However, after being made to feel really guilty by mummy's boy dh for wanting our weekends to be OURS, I kinda gave in and agreed that she could come to ours, for a cuppa, see dd etc. she made snide comments about how i wasnt coping well but i bit my tongue.
Since then, she has turned up at ours THREE times in one week, always unnannounced and always at dd's bath/bedtime. after a long day at work, I want to relax and enjoy my family time. the third time dd was being sick and i lost it and told her to feck off. she works full time too btw
so now dh is as always on his mums side, syaing i was rude, i am unsociable, i am too possessive with dd and they are family and should be able to come up whenever they want.
What do i do about all the above? the mil is ruining our marriage! I have tried talking to her, didnt go down well, and dh takes her side all the time but denies we dont come first.