Bit of background...DH works all week- out of the house at 6.30am back at 6.30pm. The only thing I ask him to do in the week is shower/bath our dd. I do everything else and it works well with us.
We have 2 dc's out dd is 6 and ds is 11.
DS is a difficult child, he NEVER listens to me(possibly most children!)but I'm trying to get him to take more responsibility for his own things/self as he's just started secondary school. We have always had a difficult relationship as he is very wareing and verbally relentless. I do discipline him ie taking away his tv privelidges and grounding him after school so I do try. I do know that you reap what you sow IYSWIM but I think our relationship will always be a challenging one. The most important thing I hold on to is I love him and tell him this frequently(to make up for the shit most days)
On Sat mornings, dd does ballet(I agreed to take) and ds does Karate(dh agreed to take)They start at different times. I found out about the Karate and got my ds to try it out as I thought it would boost his confidence and show I have an interest in him. It's turned out brilliantly, he absolutely loves it and he's sooo good at it.
Every Saturday, I have to set the alarm as dh has the attitude that it's the weekend and he needs to relax. I get the dc's breakfast, empty the dishwasher, make the beds, sort out their clothes, rally them, hassle them to get the ballet bag/karate clothes together whilst dh has his usualy 15-20 dump on the loo, showers himself and browses the internet/ebay.
He insists I come along as it's 'family' time. I totally agree with him but by the time I'm in the car, I'm usually pissed off that he has done f**k all to help. I have never been late taking my dd to ballet but since my ds started Karate and we all have to go together, we are late. Take this morning, whilst I was upstairs getting ready having done everything, all he had to do was get the dc's in the car but no. I had to come downstairs and crack the whip. I'm tired of being the bad guy.
We finally get back and had a short space of time before we had to go out again. I explained to my ds that he needed a sweatband for this activity and told him where it might be xyz. Anyway, he goes upstairs and comes back down saying he can't find it. I say again where it might be, he comes back saying he can find it. I say, did you have a look xyz and he says no.
Two minutes later in another room where my dh is, ds asks again where this sweatband it and I say that i've told you where it might be but he continues to ask defiantly. Dh turns around and says 'she is trying to annoy you'!.WTF, I absolutely give up! I am trying to make the boy more independent and responsible and he isn't supporting me. Our boy does this all the time and if we keep giving in we will make a rod for our own back. Worse still, our ds knows he is causing this to happen and knows he is causing conflict between me and dh.
Anyway, a row ensues as I point out he has belittled me infront or out dc's and worse, called me 'she'. He say then that I have made this situation worse but pointing out what I think is wrong. I am mad as dh then questions ds about whether I had actually told him where this sweatbang was, WTF! Thus making out that (possibly), that I can't be trusted!
DS then goes into another room on his own and I follow with the line, 'your a f*ing s**t! and 'see what youv'e done, your causing problems in our marriage'
I feel terrible. I dropped dh and ds off to where they were going and dh was going to come back with me but I insisted he stay and wait with ds. I didn't tell him I was mortified about my comment and that I was worried he would be insecure/scarred for life.
I give up.