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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i have contacted my ex on facebook

33 replies

gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 12:44

we flirted a little bit.has anyone else done the same,what happend next
p.s.im married,im not intending to cheat

OP posts:
Mutt · 19/09/2008 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysArrrrLikeDogs · 19/09/2008 12:48

Have you thought about why you want to flirt with someone else?

If things are tricky at home, use your emotional energy to sort your home life out.

It'll end in tears otherwise.

Sorry.

Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 12:48

it just spiced things up,thats all.have u done anything like it

OP posts:
Mutt · 19/09/2008 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 19/09/2008 12:49

yeah my XH husband did - devestated me.

hertsnessex · 19/09/2008 12:50

i flirted with an ex on FB one night - its v much unfinished business so i had to stop and not contact/respond to him again. the 'fun' isnt worth it.

Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 12:50

things havent been ok for a while,but im not in situation to leave(practical stuff,as in where to live,no money)

OP posts:
Mutt · 19/09/2008 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/09/2008 12:51

Why did you do this?. Why did you feel the need to flirt with him?. This can cause great harm (and does ex have another partner - she would not be best pleased with the behaviour of both of you). Ex's are ex's often for good reason. You open that box at your emotional peril because once opened its not easily closed again.

The "I'm married, not intending to cheat" - sorry but not convinced. Emotional affairs are just as damaging as physical ones (and many people who have emotional affairs did not intend to do so originally).

Work on your own relationship instead of flirting with an ex, instead talk to your husband and put some life back into it if you're in a rut.

Megglevache · 19/09/2008 12:52

What made you look for him?

Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 12:52

not balls,but place to live and money

OP posts:
Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 12:53

an argumeant with dh

OP posts:
SpandexIsMyEnemy · 19/09/2008 12:53

theres always a way out of things if you want to leave someone then leave don't cheat on the person.

fgs. i'd say grow up but given you're older than me it would sound patronising really wouldn't it

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 19/09/2008 12:55

money - tax credits, IS, child benifits maintenance.

live somewhere - sdepends on your cirs.

I think you'll find MN a lot more helpful if you chose to leave and wanted advise or in deed if you wanted to stay and help get things back on track.

as you have done it now all you'll have is a lot of harsh critisism.

Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 12:55

how do u know im older then u,how old r u spandex

OP posts:
sitdownpleasegeorge · 19/09/2008 12:55

So you're looking for a man to help you get out of your existing marriage (by helping you with accommodation and funds) and you thought "I'll try my ex first".

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 19/09/2008 12:56

well your other thread said your H is 30 so i'm assuming you're older than me (i'm 26)

Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 12:58

ha,good detective work but im 24.ha!

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/09/2008 12:58

Do you have children by your husband?. If so, what about them?.

Its certainly NOT a good idea to embark on a potential emotional affair when you are currently with your husband.

You either sort it out with your husband or make a clean break from him. Starting a potential affair will only leave you sad, used and in a bigger mess than you are now.

ghosty · 19/09/2008 13:00

I know one or two of my exes are on facebook but I wouldn't contact them. Regarding one of them in particular, my DH would wonder what the hell I was up to and what would ex's wife think? I know he is happily married with a baby. How would you feel if an ex of your DH popped up and 'flirted' with him?
Crap thing to do IMO.

Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 13:01

i have 2kids!thanks everyone u really helped me see the light.i never thought about all these things,my kids and stuff...
u are really a great bunch

OP posts:
SpandexIsMyEnemy · 19/09/2008 13:01

well based on the way you said that then indeed - fgs grow up.

sort your marriage out or leave. simple. to go from one man to another because you have no money to be quite frank is pathetic.

Original poster
gossipgirlx · 19/09/2008 13:04

u r so wright!that is a great advice spandex

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 19/09/2008 13:04

So if he found out about flirting etc and he kicked you out you would be worse off than planning to leave so you may as well plant o leave and have some dignity left and not involve your ex.

wannaBe · 19/09/2008 13:05

he's your ex. presumably for a reason.

It's not the contacting him that is wrong, it's the flerting. I have often wondered what happened to my ex (bf before dh) and where he is/what he is doing, and if he was on fb I might be tempted to drop him a message (with dh's knowledge of course), but for friendly reasons only and nothing more. Once it ventures into the teratory of flerting it becomes dangerous, more so because there is already history so you don't have that process of getting to know each other before getting involved in something inappropriate.

If your marriage is unhappy then find a way out, but not one that involves cheating on him.