Home Help required

[Bonita]

I am in a dilema: I have just had my first child and I am struggling to cope with a sudden change in my daily routine. I am spending all my time looking after my newborn that I have little time to attend to my daily business. I don't really have any family near me to help out and I can't expect my partner to work all day and then come home and do all the things I would normally have done and more importantly he then won't have much time left to spend with the baby. I was thinking of hiring someone to help me out on a weekly basis to run errands, do the shopping, cooking and drive me to appointments. I'm not quite sure how to go about looking for someone who would do this kind of job. I don't really want someone to help with the baby, but assist me in the 'management' of my home and daily routine - almost like a personal assistant I guess! Does anyone know if this type of service is available and how much one would pay for this? Hope you can help!

Bonita, I advertised for a cleaner/mothers help when my son was 5 weeks old and ended up with a lovely woman, my age, who cleaned and helped out with ds. It was great, although I think I appreciated the company as much as anything and we're still in touch. Could you try advertising locally for similar? If you mean more high powered real PA stuff then I guess it would cost a lot more but if you've got the money then I think you could type concierge into google and find plenty of companies ready to take money for organising your life.

Thanks for the advice WWW. How much did you pay her and how often did you need her for during the week? I agree I think the company aspect would be a bonus as sometimes I feel I am going mad on my own all day! I will try out Google and see what I can find and let you know how I get on.

There are such things as 'mothers help' provided by nanny agencies - gernerally cheaper than a nanny.

Thanks Seahorse, i have heard of these, but whether they will just be happy doing non-related baby tasks, as they are probably trained as nannies. Do you know how much mothers help would charge? I have been looking at thses concierge services on the internet, but they all seem a bit too OTT and have bigger fish to fry than us mere mothers!! I really need someone with a more personalised service who is willing to do a multitude of tasks, but is sensitive to our individual situation. Do you think I am being too fussy??

Bonita, what you need is a doula! Some doulas specialise in antenatal care and seeing you through the birth, but post natal doulas help you after the birth. They'mother the mother' A doula will wash up, hoover, do your shopping, make you a meal. generally do anything you want so you can spend time getting to know your baby, or if you wish the doula can care for the baby as well, while you get your hair done, have a massage etc.

A doula is a mother who has experience, by having their own children, has had special training and is an independent worker. Doulas charge between £10 ans £15 an hour and you normally have them for 4 hours a day, as many days a week as you like. They sometimes spend upto several months helping a family, but that is down to personal choice.

Go to here there is a list of people who offer doula services and details of what a doula will do.

We have our very own doula on this site, Pupuce ( I'm surprised she hasn't posted an answer to you question, but not seen her posts bfor a while, probably to busy doulaing!) has recently trained and I did it a couple of years ago.

I hope this will help!

Bonita, I had a mother's help for 10 months and she was a godsend. She came 3 days a week and, at first, helped a little with the baby and mainly helped around the house. As the months went on, she did more and more childcare for me, as well as a lot of the cooking (that was one of my requirements). There was a thread about it...here it is . We moved out of the country and I miss her terribly! (Not to say that our current babysitter is anything less than wonderful. )

All this help is very much appreicated. Sounds as though these mothers help are in demand! I think I will put an advert in the local Surrey papers and see what comes of that first. In the mean time if anyone else has any experiences of hired help they want to share then I am always open to more advise!

It funny but you only ever realise these things once the situation has arisen. Its probably something first time mums should consider before we give birth to save time in the long run! So if there any expectant mums out there reading this then plan ahead!

Here I am... here I am
Thanks Alibubbles....
Yes Bonita... I'd second what Alibubbles said.
Mother's helpers are cheaper but usually much younger and not as efficient as another mum. Doulas will do what YOU want (baby related or not)
There are many doulas in Surrey - not me though

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Sb34 - is it S M-H or JH????
Just curious... they are in that area and I know them...

Used a mothers help for a couple of months after dd was born. Recruited through Simply Childcare - you can find all their details on the internet. I live in London and I paid £7 per hour. The girls who worked for me were unqualified in childcare and would help out with ironing and light household duties. They couldn't be left alone with my children (well not in my opinion anyway) and their English wasn't always that great.
I have also had success advertising locally.
Good luck Bonita.

miriamw, what's the cost if you don't mind me asking?

£15 per hour for post-natal. A flat rate of £350 for a birth I think (but as I'm likely to have a c/section, not really an issue).

Even after paying tax etc for a temp nanny it doesn't work out much more than £7 per hour. I may opt to advertise specifically for a mother's help but a) I know a couple of doulas, so thought of them first, and b) I've used a particular nanny/babysitting agency before and have always been very pleased with the quality of candidates. I'm not looking for anyone to have sole charge of either child, but as I'll be recovering from a c/section I do need some help. A doula/mother's help would fit the bill, but the former seem significantly more expensive.

Just thought I would say what a lovely name Bonita is! Almost exactly what my dd is called. You don't hear the name much, so I just thought I would comment!

Hey I charge less £12/hour
I know some will find that very expensive but for that price you get great flexibility and proper experience (we're all mums and have all been there!)... also from working currently for a mum who had both a nanny (2 actually) and a mother's helper.... she thinks that "only with me" she could have asked the things she asked.... her 2 nannies were baby focused and the nother helper was too inexperienced... that's becasue doulas are mother/family centred and we do what ever is aksed... not just baby stuff - iIhappen to cook a lot for my "families" as I do that well (if I may say so myself!).... I do not service dads of course

I do charge a bit more for births... but - as other doulas are - I am on call for a whole month around due date - so no alcohol, outing, trips,...
I offer 2 long anteatal visist (all calls/e-mail you want) and 2 postnatal visits + labour (and these can be long... trust me!)

Bonita, this is none of my business, but regarding your DH, having a baby means that you go to work, then come home and do more domestic work, whether you work outside the home or inside it. It applies to both of you. Both lives have to change, otherwise resentments may begin. I think you are taking too much upon yourself and as you've just had a baby, you should cut yourself some slack and enjoy your baby. Is there any way your DH can help with your daily business? The home help is a good idea, but it might create a kind of false dawn in that his life really will just carry on as before.

I see what you are saying but its a case of compromising - I don't think DH minds helping out and has always done the cleaning and I always did the cooking. Obviously he wants to spend time with the baby which, if anything gives me a little break to rest. So by hiring someone to take care of the small but significant things, it means we have more quality time together as a family, which I think is the best solution for all.

I have been speaking to people over the last few days and have a few leads so am following these up at the moment. However I have heard on the grape vine that a friend's sister is thinking of providing a help service for mothers who have just given birth - I am intruigued to find out more and will let you know!

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