We've been together 20 years. We have two small children. We're talking about getting married and rather than being pleased it seems rather depressing.

[fruitmachine]

we're both knackered and at that once-a-week if you are lucky stage. Its not what I thought my wedding day would be like. We've been together since we were 16 and while I love admire and respect him I also know his crappy bits and he knows mine. We have no vibrant romance left with two kids under 3. I don't want to leave him in any way but pretending its all moonlight and roses seems a sham. Theres no real reason to get married - it came about as a conversation about how annoying it is to have a different surname from my toddlers at the doctors surgery. Any advice? Should I get married when the whole thing just seems a bit jaded and sad now? We're not unhappy by the way. We laugh and support one another but we're not really the typical bride and groom.

Do I sound like a cow? I just wanted to spend my wedding night in the throws of passion - I reckon we'd end up having a quickie and putting the telly on.

Just do it the next time you are in Vegas.....Yihhhaaaa ELVIS STYLE

I got married 'late' (age 30 after nearly 15 years together) too. We needed the piece of paper for admin reasons so we just had to accept that our formerly principled stand had become too much like cutting off our noses to spite our faces. It was a small registry office do, then a BBQ back at the house. Bizarrely the things that made for me were:

(a) my total inability to answer the question 'what do you call yourself?' (What do you mean? My full name, my professional name or what I call myself at home? My other half was deeply unhelpful. I think he was envisaging us getting kicked out for impersonation.)

(b) my brother taking charge of the camera and focusing mainly on photographing the portrait of the Queen that hangs in the registry office (I'm something of a republican) and

(c) my mother cracking up as the registrar said: "of course this is about more than just a piece of paper". The poor registrar - she was trying her best.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the love between you isn't really related to the piece of paper. I had a good day, but it wasn't really about love. Can you take off for a romantic night in front of a log fire an old, remote cottage (or a posh hotel or whatever)? That will be about love. The wedding is just an administrative hurdle (albeit not one that actually has to be that painful...).

Actually, I'm going to contradict myself now and say that a spoken oath is a pretty romantic thing, regardless of circs. Depends how you choose to think about it, I suppose.

fruitmachine - DH and I married last year after 12 years and 2 kids together, basically for practical/financial reasons. We weren't exactly in the first flush of romance. But actually it re-invigorated things, and really focussed my mind on all the things I do love about him and how happy we've been. It was an opportunity to share with everyone else in our lives how important we feel our relationship is - and my older DCs were our witnesses . It really needn't be jaded - you might surprise yourself.

IMO marrying because you have a long-term commitment and kids together is a far better reason than lots of couples who tie the knot because 'it's time to get married'. Elope and have a lovely day together, or have a family party . Tiaras are overrated...

check my profile for pics (i still haven't removed) of my wedding on 9th Aug this year..we have been together 12 years and have 3 dds ....it was the best most romantic day of my life

my dh wanted to marry me...who he has seen slim and fat, healthy and sick, drunk and sober, happy and sad, seen me give birth and through 6 mcs and an ectopic pregnancy that ended in emergency surgery...financial good times and bad.
how can it not be romantic that he still wanted me? and me him? it's not infatuation or folish young love blind to each others faults..it's the real deal!! Be grateful that you have a good relationship and he wants to marry you!

have you thought of where/when?