So, I've managed to upset DH to the point where he has slept on the sofa, just when we have been getting on brilliantly

[FrockHorror]

DD goes to my parent's house every Saturday night for a 'sleepover' which she loves doing. I also enjoy it, because it means I get to spend some guilt free time with 3mo DS. DD has been quite jealous and possesive since DS was born.

Anyway, DD started school this week, mornings only. DH has been off work all week. I have been getting up 2-3 hourly every night with DS for feeding, then getting up and sorting and taking DD to school before returning to collect her. I have then entertained both DCs until DH has deigned to get up out of bed. Most days this week, he has remained in bed until DD has finished school and we have returned home.

DH and I had a discussion earlier on in the week whereby we decided that as it was her first week at school, DD would remain home this weekend, mostly because we thought she would be tired from her first week at school. DH has mentioned in the past that he is unhappy with DD going to my parents' every week but has been ok about her going.

Tonight though, he sent me a text, asking me if I wanted to go out. I said yes, as I have had the most stressful day ever with DS. I think he is teething so is refusing feeds, but then screaming through hunger. He is generally whingy and clingy and has required constant attention all day to the point, I felt that DD was pretty much left to her own devices.

Mum phoned and asked if DD was going to stay and I said no, reminding her that I had mentioned it earlier in the week. She then asked how DS had been. Once I explained how he had been all day, she said she would bring round some teething stuff to try. So mum comes round with the teething gel and again asks about DD. At this point I am still saying no but then I thought, what was the harm considering she wasn't very tired from her first week at school and would probably enjoy the undivided attention of my parents, especially as I had been so preoccupied with DS all day. I thought it would be better for her to go and be spoilt there and let me concentrate on DS, leading to a less stressful time for DH and I tonight.

So I told DH what I had decided and he went crazy on the phone at me, refusing to let me explain the reasons why I had let her go. Apparently I was "fucking out of order" because he wanted us all to go out tonight as DD had been at school all week. He put the phone down on me and came home all moody, ignoring me.

I can understand that he is annoyed, as we had made a decision earlier on in the week and I went back on it. However, not saying I was in the right, I had had the day from hell and DH didn't mention when he asked me if I wanted to go out that it was to be a family thing because of DD at school. I am also annoyed that if he wanted to spend this time with DD, he could of got his arse up out of bed at any point this week to either collect her and spend time with her. He's been off work all week. I don't think I would feel so fed up with him if he had at least given me the chance to talk to him about the day I had had and the reasons for me letting DD go.

I wouldn't want to spend another minute with such a selfish tosser but I'm sure there is much to love - just not at all apparent in this thread!

I would really, really work on trying to get a more equal partnership in many ways - not only that he leaves everything to you with the home and children, but that you view bills and things as 'his department'.

I can imagine you feel far too exhausted with looking after small children to even want to look at a bill, but the two of you are supposed to be a partnership , and if he pulled his weight more with the children and the home, it would be a good idea for you to have some knowledge and understanding of how the finances are worked out. Quite empowering in a way, which would then have a knock on effect in terms of strengthening your sense of self and status within the relationship, because at the moment his behaviour has you down very low in the food chain.

If he is giving you so little support when your ds is only 3 months old, then you really need to make some serious changes or your life is going to be unbearable.

Thanks Turquoise.

You are right, there is generally much to love but recently he seems to be wanting to do less and less. We came up against some rough times financially recently, same as most people I know. It doesn't help that we are still waiting for our tax credits award because until now, we have been getting no help.

DH took the bills etc on as he was the only one working. However, because things are difficult, I have signed up to do Usborne books in the hope that it will help ease the pressure on him. I don't think he realises that actually, I do understand how much is on his plate, but equally, I wish he would sometimes think how difficult it is for me, particularly when he lounges around in bed all day when not at work or when one of the DCs is feeling out of sorts, as DS was on Saturday (for the record, we are having another day like that today but that's all part and parcel).

Earlier on, I saw something funny on TV which I know would make him laugh under normal circumstances. So, I sent him a text telling him about it. A bit of an icebreaker if you like, and he hasn't bothered to reply, so it seems I am still in the dog house.

I don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

I sympathise with your husband to be honest with you. He obviously wanted a family day out and you did change your plans.

Come off it, it's 2 days later and he hasn't got over it. He sounds like a complete and total prick to me. Sorry, I'm sure you love him an'all but FFS. What a way for a grown man to carry on.