how long should I leave it b4 calling him, forever?

[kateandjames]

The father of my son has not been in contact for over two months, after an agument on the phone with me. I feel I should call him and tell him his son is trying to talk,(Ds is now 16m).
Our relationship has been extremly compltcated, and I am a bit worried he is still in love with me.
He has only been to visit once in January, for a couple of days.
Should I let sleeping dogs lie?

Depends; does he have your address or phone number?

If so, it's up to him to contact you if he wants to know stuff.

If he doesn't, ring him, leave details and say "we're here when you want to visit" or whatever.

He has my address and phone number, He was calling up to three times a week before the row.
I am afraid I let him have it with both barrels, said some stuff which I had been bottling up since I left him to go back to my husband at three months pregnant.

can you explain a little more about the situation. i.e how long were you with the father. what does your husband think of the situation?

I had an on and off affair with him for about 7 years, both before and after I was married, (not proud of myself).
Husband knows all about the affair , after I nealy had a breakdown over the guilt. We tryed counciling to try to save the marriage s he coulndt belive I had decived him so . We decided to get a divorce, at this point I was spending alot of time with loverboy.
My husband decided to go overseas I coulnt live with out husband (and first love) and asked him to come back. By this time I was pregnant,.

OK, that IS complicated...

what role do you want him to play in ds's life?
what are his expectations?
ditto your husband?

good questions

..... and?

If you are now back living with your husband then I'm not surprised your exlover hasn't rang.
What role do you envisage him having in your life?
Does he want access to his son? Are CSA involved as I presume your husband will expect this guy to support his son. Sounds like you need to arrange a system for him to see his son without seeing you and sort out payment.
I'd discuss it with your husband and then write to him.
If I was your husband I wouldn't want you seeing him when he visits as the affair is so recent.
Perhaps your son could be at your parents or his father's parents for the day or just go out with his dad.
The future discussions should solely contact on the boy's relationship with his father.