Are all men totally self-centered, or is it just mine?

[IDoEverything]

I would not say he is selfish as he is normally very generous with his time and money, and will more or less do anything for anyone.

The problem is that he is sooooo self-centered. He goes about his life as though he only has himself to think about.

Today he went out to see SIL for a bit without the slightest thought of what me & kids are doing today.

He never considers other peoples feelings or even other people's plans eg. it wouldn't enter his head to wonder who was picking kids up from school or who will take them to xxxx party or whether we have enough fresh stuff in for lunchboxes etc...

This all ends up in me having to boss him around like a child which obviously he is not going to like, and so it all ends in arguments.

My Mum says 'it's a man thing', but I think that's a cop out. What does the wisdom of mners say?

mine is exactly like this - he does what he is told and no more. He often can't even remember what it is.

Does he also complain about then being bossed around though?
Or get huffy when you are stressed and running around 'headless chicken' style because you're the one worrying about everything?

I think if he just did as he was told and didn't moan about it I could probabaly live with it

It is a man thing. And its also a woman thing. There is a part of women that likes to be in control, and there is a part of men that likes never having to worry about lunchboxes, who's picking up the kids etc.

It could be said that because you always do it, he doesnt have to think.

But conversely, you always have to do it because he wont. So its chicken and the egg!

I would if I was you, start asking him to do more. 'You'll pick up XXX from the party, won't you?'

Does he tell you what his plans are? Thats when you need to point out that there are other things that need doing. And if he gets in a huff, thats his choice.

I think really the reason I don't get him to do more with the kids is because I know that he is pathetic with coping with the hassle.

eg. if I go to a supermarket with 3yr old dd, we chat to each other along the way, she helps me loading trolley, she goes in and out of trolley a few times and everything is fine and dandy.

If would never ask him to take dd shopping because i know it would be 'don't touch that, get back here, no you're not coming out of the trolley...etc' and dd would have a miserable time and end up in tears.

So I am thinking of the kids when I don't ask him to do stuff, not him IYSWIM?

So its you protecting your children from his grumpyness and general uselessness at being with them.

Wouldn't it be better to send them off, let them get on with it, and let him learn to love being with them?

All the time you are 'protcting' your kids, he is sitting back, watching you do the lions share and feeling either pleased because it gets him out of doing it, or left out and feeling, why bother if I'm just going to get critised?

Its a lose lose situation if you don't start expecting more from him.

I don't agree all men are 'naturally' self centred, that's a cop out Idoeverything. Your mum is wrong!

You may have to leave him to get on with it, grit your teeth and bear it, even if it's not your way of doing things or the 'best' way.

I mean, unless he is actively abusive (not for one moment suggesting he is) then it will be fine.