my husband hasn't spoke to me since his birthday (14 days)

[fedexlady]

I am getting rather frustrated and discouraged about my marriage. The longer this goes on the less I am starting to feel about our relationship. Well it started when I forgot his birthday. Oh he was speaking to me the day before and the days leading up to his birthday and even part of day of his birthday; that is the part that I don't understand. All of a sudden he stops speaking to me not telling me anything as to why he has stopped talking to me; I assumed it was because I had forgot his birthday. I didn't forget it on purpose and I felt really bad about it; I even apologized and told him that I would make it up that weekend. Anyway the very next day I went out and bought a few things for him, including a card expressing how sorry I was that I forgot his birthday and for him to forgive me. Well I put the gift where he could see it with the card attached and he let it sit there for two whole days without looking at the gift or the card. I was so mad that I took the card and tore it up, i decided at that point that he didn't deserve my apology. A week later he asks me where the card went; I told him the truth I tore it up and threw it away thinking that he didn't want to make up and that the card didn't mean anything to him. He responded by saying "I don't care what the * you do". To go back a little I didn't forget his birthday on purpose. I work a 40 hr a week job and taking care of my grandmother too who is 97 by the way. My uncle and I had been trading off every other day to stay with her. So suffice it to say the days creep up on you so fast. I feel that my husband has now taken this to whole different level. I feel he is being mean and ridiculous about the whole thing. I don't want to talk to him until he apologizes.

You both sound a bit petty and childish tbh.

oh man, I forgot my own birthday this year. I remembered on the run up cos I got cards etc, but the day itself was just like any other - until I rang up the bank to ask about a missing payment and the bloke said happy birthday. Almost made up for dodgy transaction!

But on a serious note, yes, he's overreacting big-time. There are obviously other issues going on and he's using this as a basis for having the hump with you. Obvoiusly if he wont talk, then I'm not sure what you're supposed to do about it. Maybe you have to spell out how this is making you feel literally (so he can't ignore it like a card) without an accusatory tone obviously, which will be hard, as he's obviously taken quite well to being a 'victim'. Big baby. Get a great big board and write down in thick pen what you've told us and hang it over the fridge. He can't ignore that. Whether or not he chooses to react - well he probably won't, but at least he will see it. Maybe even a short message to get the ball rolling ' How can I make you feel better?'.

What do you want though? - you sound like you are hurting from his behaviour, but you want to be with him, which is why I'm suggesting another white flag from you to get him talking (although I dont think he deserves it).

Hi fedexlady, has he decided to talk to you yet? I would say he knows how this is making you feel that is why he is doing it. He is not behaving like a teenager or a spoilt brat, he is behaving like a nasty abusive man/person.

I think the forgetting his birthday part is irrelevant, IMO there is never a reason to blank you out like this even if he is angry about other issues you two may have. IME it is best to ask yourself why am I putting up with this rather than ask why does he do that...

I couldn't stand the not speaking thing but I do feel you should never have forgotten his birthday. If I would forget I wouldn't just leave a card and present lying about for him to find. I'd give it to him with lots of apologetic kisses and hugs. Being too lazy to give the guy his birthday present personally sounds a real kick in the face. You seriously left his birthday card sitting there for 2 days without getting off your backside and actually giving it to him?
He probably feels his marriage is over and is wondering what to do next. I would be if it were me. You really don't sound as though you have any love for the guy at all.

2 rebecca that is where you are wrong. I do love my husband. I didn't just leave the present for him to find. As I said earlier I stay with my grandmother every other evening and I had left it right on the kitchen counter for him when I left to go to my grandmother's house for the night. (He wasn't home at the time) I wasn't trying to hide anything, that would be stupid. He knew I was going to my grandmother's and that the next day I would be home. He had plenty of opportunity to open his present but decided for what ever reason not to. That is when I decided that he must not care about an apology. I did all I could to initiate the first move because yes I did feel awful for having forgot his birthday. I apologized on the day of his birthday it wasn't like a week later that I apologized. I not only apologized I kissed him and told him that I would make it up to him over the weekend. You make it sound like a malicious thing I did by forgetting his birthday.

I think you are heading for a liberating divorce!

You have a lot on your plate. Are you getting enough rest and relaxation yourself. Caring for elderly relatives can be very draining. Do you and your Uncle get together to compare notes and have a laugh? Do you go out with your friends?

I really hope you are looking after your self - working full time and caring for someone else is very exhausting.

As for that narcissistic nob of a husband, let him sulk himself right out of your busy life. And please stop having sex with him if you don't feel like it. He's not entitled you know. Let him go mad, as you put it.
Might make him wake up and smell the coffee?
Why are you married to him - does he offer you any support at all?

Best of luck with this - you sound like a lovely caring and busy women who has a dreadfully childish and selfish husband hanging out of you.

Take care of you and don't worry about him.

Message withdrawn

Maybe he didn't open the present as he wanted you to give it to him and make it special?

Gosh, I dont often say this, but this man sounds awful. I cant for the life of me begin to understand what sort of person is unable to forgive a forgotten birthtday, accept an apology, and who sulks for 14 days! He is enjoying terrorizing you. It is only a birthday fgs, you have so much on your plate, if anything he should be supportive.

To be honest, I would regard this marriage over if I were you.

What's happening here? Is he talking yet?

no he isn't talking yet. this is bordering on the ridiculous. i am beginning to think that my husband has an unstable mind. i can't understand why something like this would affect him so much. i know that when he forgets things i don't go ballistic on him and not talk to him days on end.

If you are serious about him being unstable maybe he needs to see a doctor.

Have you spoken to him, how is he with the children?

Are you feeding him, doing his washing, etc etc?

Can I come around and slap him? I am really annoyed on your behalf here.