I'd like dc3, dh is not so sure. Is it morally wrong to fail to remind him to use a condom?

[laughorcry]

We've got two dcs - aged 3 and 1. I'd like another, but dh is not sure.

For the moment we are back to relying on condoms and as a general rule if I don't remind him, dh is inclined to get carried away and forget about the need for them.

Would it be morally wrong to let him forget? Would I regret it if I got preg and he wasn't happy?

yes of course that's morally wrong runningmate, if he has failed to take responsibility in preventing the conception of that baby in the first place.

We used condoms after having DS, after a while I started to want another child, DH not so keen - he never 'forgot' or needed to be reminded to put one on, so I knew he really didn't want me to get pg at that point.

Would agree that you need to talk to DH about this when you're not in the heat of passion. I told DH that contraception was his responsibility for a while, seeing as I'd previously spent 10 yrs on the pill. When he felt ready he was quite happy to ditch the condoms.

wow, more replies.

I guess I would like to think that the fact that he would 'forget' if not reminded means that he would be pleased really, or at least not unhappy, but I'm not sure sex really works like that for men.

Have to say I can't imagine being slapdash about contraception if I was adamant that I didn't want to be pregnant, but I think perhaps it is different for women.

And I should add that dh is a truly wonderful father, who does a huge amount of childcare and other house-related stuff. I don't think that it is because he is casual about caring for children, just a different view of sex.

I want dc3, DH doesn't. I told him I didn't want to go back on the pil (health reasons) and he didn't want to get the snip. Told him we would need to use condoms in that case...now we don't have penetrative sex at all...we play, just don't go all the way so be careful about the conditions you make.

In answer to original post, yes it would be wrong imo especially as you know that he has a tendency to get carried away... wish my dh would!

If he was really desperate to not have a third dc he could always consider a more permanent arrangement

There would be no more remembering or not remembering then would there?

Laughorcry - we have similar names!

Aside from the contraception issue, how would you feel if he told you he didn't want any more children full stop? Could you handle that or do you not think that he is likely to think that anyway?

I was kind of in the same situation as you, 2dc 4 and 1, started getting broody again. Had the talk with Dp, he said 100% he didn't want anymore children, so I got used to the idea.

Didn't give up on the idea totally, "we had an accident" which unfortunately didn't lead to a pregnancy. This confirmed to me that I really wanted another dc, explained this to Dp. Suddenly the condoms seemed to be out of the window. I was a bit , so talked to dp and apparently we are now ttc . If he's previously been good with condoms (dp was) then maybe it's his way of saying yes?

I was mighty confused about the whole u-turn tbh how can you go from NO MORE CHILDREN EVER, to ttc fgs. As it happens I did get pg then mc.
Dp is now more determined than me to have another, I don't pretend to know what goes on in his head lol.

Hiya ifyoudidnt - have been around a while, but not a big poster. think we are prob different enough to avoid confusion!

AbstractMouse - v interesting to hear your experience. I'm sorry that you suffered a mc, and wish you luck ttc if that is something you are still thinking about. I've also had that experience of dh going from 'no thanks' to total enthusiasm in the blink of an eye. bizarre.