Growing apart or growing older and wiser?

[Honeybunnie]

When I was at uni, I use to live with a friend and we became quite close. After finishing our courses, she moved back down to London and I had stayed here and got married and had a baby.

I feel that we have grown apart, as I have a different outlook on life. I have choosen to be a SAHM to my 9 month old dd, whilst she is working in the city on a nice salary and has just bought a 13k car.

When we met up, I felt that she was very cagey about the value of her car, I'm not sure if she thinks that I would become jealous or what? She also went on holiday with another friend from our uni days and was also shielded about that as well. To be honest, I feel abit left out, but I am happy for her.

I use to think they were ok as friends and now I am not to sure. They are completely different from me, as they are really into bitching, whilst I'm totally honest and open when I feel that person is honest to me too.

Should I completely break contact with them, or to try and salvage the friendship or just be civil to them. Or have to all out with them and tell how I feel?

Always tempted to let it lie in these grown apart type situations, personally. Having it out seems so dramatic and I don't think "hey there, I'm annoyed because:
*you didn't tell me how much your car cost when I wanted to know
*you went on holiday with another friend and I felt left out
*you're into bitching and I'm not"
will quite cut it as good reasons anyway. Even though they ARE good reasons in an unreasonable sort of way- they're the sort of nebulous irrational feelings of irritation that alert you to the fact that you're growing apart from someone. I know them well! I'd avoid, avoid, avoid until you're feeling better about this person (which may be never).

I do believe that when you get older, you change and so do the people around you, sometimes you change in different directions. When i was at school 5 of us went around together and was inseperable, we always thought we would stay together, now 12 years on i only see 1 of them who's my best mate, to be honest we do not have a lot in common, we have just been through so much.

Saying that in those 12 years i have made plenty more friends of people that i have more in common with. maybe when your friend settles down and gets married etc etc.

She may not feel your jealous, she may be jealous of you, she might have to good job, car, house etc etc, but has she got that special someone to share it with.

Wouldn't bother to tell her though, sounds awful but its nicer to just stop the contact, if she is desperate to keep in touch with you, then thats a different story, sometimes friendships just run there course.

Thanks ScummyMummy and Breeze for your advice.

I have not contacted them very much over the past few months or even years. They contact me every year, now and again, so what should I do in that situation?

It boils done to me feeling betrayed at uni, when we had an arguement with a housemate and her boyfriend pushed my dh (fiencee at the time)across the room and they almost broke out into a fight. We had been roped into an arguement by my housemate, so I decided to tell her the truth about her changing as a person and as a friend, even though my "friends" and boyfriends agreed with me they decided to watch in silence, whilst me and my dh battled it out on our own with 4 people watching.

I felt that true friends should stick up for one another, which didn't happen that day, therefore still feel betrayed to this day.

Honeybunnie

I certainly thought my uni days were kind of an extension of my childhood. Much as I enjoyed them and developed in lots of ways, I am quite a different person now and need different relationships. I hope you can move on from these feelings and concentrate on new friendships that may suit you better now that you are 'wiser'.