Should I stay or should I go? Is friendship enough?

[birthdaybird]

Having a big dilemma about whether to stay in my marriage or not. We've been married for 10 years and have two fab dc but I just don't know if I want to be with him anymore. I don't think I love him and don't fancy him - when I see him in his swimming trunks, for example, I get a knot in my stomach; I hate his teeth. We've had some difficult times although on a superficial level rub along ok. I see him more as a friend/brother than a lover. I don't really want sex with him. I'm quite young - early 30s and I don't know whether there is enough to sustain a marriage or whether to go; although I'm aware being a single parent is hard I don't want to be miserable for the next however many years with a man I don't really love. Please help!

Wow! That is a big decision. Just be clear about what you want to come of it. I asked my DP to move out (temporarily) a few weeks ago to give me some space to work out what I wanted but it hasn't really helped. He's sort of drifted back into moving in with us without anything really having changed or been resolved.

Have you tried counselling or relate? It might help you to work out what you need to change in order to make you happy...or if you're better off going your seperate ways.

We are going to have some counselling - it's in the process of being organized. I think it will help to see what the best road to take is. I'm sorry you're still not making progress, missbumpy. What was his reaction when you asked him to move - my h very hostile!

My DP veered between crushed and hostile. One day he'd be angry and the next day weeping and begging to come back and then the next day angry again. He seems to be on a more even keel now but we still haven't really resolved anything. I really need to sort out some relate counselling as I think it would help us a lot.

Oh god, this is exactly what I'm going through. Don't think I feel a thing for my DH except pity and guilt for pushing him away. Can't bear the thought of any physical contact whatsoever and can't really imagine a future together.

He adores me, is in turmoil, will do anything to fix things; I've agreed to try joint counselling and have also seen someone by myself, but after all the talking can't think of what either of us could say that would make any difference to my feelings (or lack thereof).

Am I a bitch or what?