to have thrown him out?

[shatteredmumsrus]

I did post on another thread about my dp going on a stag night at 5pm Sat and notsoming home til 5pm Sunday with his phone off the whole time!ds had his 1st footy match and wanted to tel his dad he scored but couldnt. I had to answer all sorts of awkward questions from the kids whilst dealing with my own upset. He came home stinking drunk and looked a right mess. And for those of you that say it was a stag night - the stag went home at 2.30 and this is not the first time dp has done this.I dont think there are any other women involved, b&bup the road. He left a note say ing he is truly sorry and he hates himself for doing this to us again and he needs help. I have no faith that he will ever change - he has been like it for the past 5 years since ive known him.AIBU?

Hi Shattered. He's got a big problem and it seems like he's trying to sort it out, but it is something he needs to do for himself not just to get you back. It sounds harsh but I think you should stand your ground and not let him back until he can make a commitment to go to AA for himself to stop drinking.
It will affect your children. My dad (and all his family) were alcoholics, most of my cousins also have drink problems to some degree and I have just come out of a horrific relationship with an alcoholic.
You can support him without living with him. Have you thought of going to Alanon. Its for the partners/families of alcoholics and I have found it so helpful, just to know you are not the only one going through it.

Hope this helps

I know and it is easy to advise from afar but you will always have to have some sort of discourse 'cos he is the father of your kids. Ginny sounds like she has some good advice.

I mean easy for me to advise from afar. sorry.

Are your children alcoholics or are they too young?

I'm glad you're going with your anger and are making a stand. It may help you all in the long run that you're making it very clear to him that you won't put up with it any longer.

I agree with izyboy that it would be a very good idea to insist that he commits to an AA program before you take him back.

Did you have any idea that he was like this before - is it an old pattern or a new thing?

He drank alot when we met but i never saw it ( i id see it physically but i didnt think it was a problem). There are no big drinkers in my family and i have never come accross alcoholism before.All the men in his family are big drinkers, his brother is an alcoholic and his dad ws, he went to aa when he was about 45 and only has a drink every few months then he stops again. His uncles and cousins are big drinkers too. And i cant stand any of them.I am ndering how he got on last night but im not contacting him as im sooo angry and upset. ds wet the bed last night and is really upset about it all. lo is okay he doesnt really understand.

Hi shattered. No my dc are only 8 and 5 so as far as I am aware they aren't alcoholics
It does frighten me though that they may have inherited that gene, which is why I don't want them to be encouraged to think that heavy drinking is normal and acceptable, but at the same time I don't want to be too anti drinking because that might lead them to rebel and do it anyway. That's one of the main reasons I split up with my ex (he's not their father) as his drinking was affecting them and they were seeing things that they shouldn't be seeing at their age.
Hope you feel better about things today. Stay strong.

thankyou and good luck to you to x