Oh God she's driving me mad

[unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy]

My mum that is. She's staying with us atm as she had an operation on Friday on her sinuses and she needs to rest a bit. She can't go home as her and her OH live with her OH's elderly father who's got dementia. He can be quite violent and aggressive, so she's staying here till she's better.

Oh god give me strength. It's not anything imparticular she just makes me feel so insane. I'm probably going to sound all muddled now but it's like she wants my life. Seriously I feel single white femaled whenever she's around to much. I can't decide whether her heart's in the right place or she seriously would like to take my place as wife and mother. I can't cope with her here for another week, I'll end up in the nuthouse. She makes me doubt myself so much, gives me no space whatsover yet when you try and talk to her she just glazes over like she doesn't hear you.

I think I need a good cry. I'm already on ADs she's making my depression worse. I really feel like I need to get away from her. When she's not staying the night (which happens several times a week even when she's healthy) she's here all the time. She only lives 10 minutes up the road. Moving isn't an option as we've only just moved into this gorgeous house.

She's staying in SD's room atm as she's in her nan's but she's back tomorrow she she'll be sleeping on the couch. Oh god how on earth am I going to get through this when it's this bad I actually want her out of my life. God my sister was a jammy bugger moving to London. I feel like running away but I need to take my family with me.

Ouch! Mothers are really complicated beings, it seems. I bet she thinks she's actually helping you by being there. I don't really have any constructive advice, but I do have sympathy! My mum is sadly no longer with us, but when she was alive no one could push my buttons more efficiently. I remember taking her out a few months before she died- I had to lift her in and out of the car, but she turned round to me (bear in mind I was 28 at the time!) and told me to go to the toilet before we went!!! She couldn't even see why it was a ludicrous thing to say!

Can you give her "useful" things to do that might distract her from interfering in the things you don't want her to do?

try to find her a hobby! She is obviously having a bad time as you say her OH's father has dementia? That can be bad enough to deal with so she may feel that she needs to get away.

I'm sure that she only wants to be helpful to you whilst she is with you but I FULLY UNDERSTAND your predicament. You can't tell her you don't want her round all the time cause you don't want to hurt her feelings but you also can't deal with her being around all the time as you have your own problems!

Find her a hobby and get her to make new friends of her own! maybe get her to go to bingo or join a local community group? You could even introduce her to the internet and get her to join up to chat sites she likes!

This way she will want to spend more time with her new friends! Or you could lie and say you are going out!

Message withdrawn

sounds like your mum is using your house to escape her FIL, perhaps you need to lay down some ground rules about her staying over and how often she visit. Tricky but doable.

Have you seen the Stately Homes thread?