unhappy marriage and PND

[newmummy27]

Please can somebody tell me this feeling is anywhere near normal. I feel that when i am around my husband i can enjoy myself with my baby and sometimes even feel i dont love him because he is my husbands. we are arguing every 2-3 days and i am so worn down, unhappy and feel like i couldnt care a less anymore. he has made my maternity leave utterly miserable and i hve to go back to work soon. I am SO angry i hate it. I feel he is making me into someone i am not. I HATE the anger but it is all i feel. It alternates between anger and nothing. He has said some awful things and i am not sure i want things to work, before i was willing but now i feel bored with it and cant be bothered. please help i feel like i am a nothing now, i m going through the motions, life is passing me by. what abut my son, he is only 9 months old, i feel so terrible.

"cant" enjoy my baby. sorry feel in a state.

Have you seen your GP/Health visitor about this? If you are suffering from PND you can get lots of help for it. ON the other hand, were you angry with your husband before the pregancy, are there things he has done which are definitely unacceptable (deciet, theft, violence etc)?

yes and Hv coming tomorrow. I am just frightened of being a single mother. No he hasnt done anything definately unacceptable, but he is also very angry and doesnt understand how when he is pulling me down it affect how i feel and in turn cntributes to PND. before the pregnancy no i wasnt angry but he didnt say nasty things then. this has gone on so long. he has a very responsible job on the outside he seems a nice person, reliable etc and in terms of practical things is, he is just making my life a misery.

I hope your HV can help you. You see, from the point of view of a stranger on the internet it is hard to know whether your husband is being genuinely horrible to you or whether he is becoming irritable under the strain of living with someone who has PND or another depressive/anxiety illness, or whether, because you are unwell you are over-reacting to minor disagreements.
It's possible that your hormones etc are making you consider him the one to blame for everything - this is more likely as you say that he has previously been nice and helpful etc. It is also possible that he is being a dick. But worth talking to HV.

You poor thing, you really are going through the ringer.

Is your HV helpful/supportive? If so, please talk to her and tell her how you are feeling.

I had PND and I know how hellish it can be.

Good luck.

Hi sgb and Janos
thanks for replying, I have only had a chance to log on again now. HV came this morning and was good to talk to her, i just feel very panicky now and traumatised. I ended up going out last night for a couple of hours just to get away.
Janos, are you over the PND now? how did you get through it?

It sounds like you need to talk things through with someone outside of your situation. Can you afford private counselling? have you thought about seeing a Relate counsellor with your husband?

Your GP will be able to refer you for free counselling, but this (can take several months, unfortunately. They may recommend antidepressants in the short term, which might help, too.

Is your HV following this up? Have you confided in anyone else supportive - friends, family?

PND is incredibly common and can wreak havoc with relationships (and vice versa - a poor relationship and lack of support after giving birth can trigger PND). Please don't feel that you are alone and try not to bottle it up.

When do you return to work? Are you going to be able to cope - realistically? You sound incredibly stressed.

p.s. I went through a severe depression after the birth of my first child - lasted best part of 2 years. You CAN and WILL come out the other side, but you need lots of help to do it.

xx

Hi Mrs Mattie
Yes i am going back to work next month and i am incredibly stressed. i dont know if i will be able to cope, i am pretty strong, i just bottle things up though. I am only going back 16 hours but it is back to something i dont want to do. but i am going back to start with for the minimum time just so i dont have to repay maternity benefits.the family that i have around do nothing but add to the stress or turn it back on me. thanks for being so positive, at the moment i dont see much of a way forward. i do not find husband attractive, i feel i am disgusting as i have being comfort eating and have put on weight. i feel such a failure in every way. I am looking after my son very well and he is very happy, i just dont want this to affect him how i was affected. i do feel very alone.